Thursday, May 3, 2012

Impending Chaos But I'm So Ready For It!

(He’s not my favorite but I love this song)

Today is my last day alone for a very long time. It won't be all about me anymore, at least for a few months. But was it really anyway?

“The Stairs” were a sweaty and slimy affair this morning. It’s hot and humid here, almost gross.  A particularly sappy section of my iPod playlist cued up while I trudged up and down. Usually I’d have this stuff off faster than playing “Name That Tune.” but today I let it ride. (Sappy song list at the end)

I have no idea why the wallowing...maybe I need a cupcake. Is it because it’s the last day to be “me”? I’m not being dramatic here, either. I’m quite certain all parents are different in front of their kids whatever ages they are. Therefore, I won’t be exactly  “me” for a while, the one I've grown used to.

For 8.1237895 months…

I've been happy yet pensive; excited but often bored; traveled a ton and became a homebody; did major personal housekeeping (I’m talking about inside me) and ignored the laundry; wrote a lot and slacked off; packed in the movies and read; spent bunches of time with my lover and friends and a whole lot of time alone; got used to a quiet house but yearned for the chaos.

Then I blinked and it was May.

I’m sure everybody, at whatever point in life, feels time goes much too quickly. To me it feels more so when you no longer have the opportunity to spend every single day with your children. I can’t begin to explain the longing you experience especially at the beginning.

Although it becomes “the way it is”, it doesn’t feel completely natural to me and you don’t get used to it. Not really. My life doesn't feel complete unless I can hug and kiss my babies. There's a little emptiness. You begin to wonder how to fill the space. You try a few things but it doesn't work.

Am I nervous about what this summer holds? I’d be lying if I said no. We’ve all changed. We’ve all grown used to our new lives. It’ll become a question of merging our current lifestyles and compromising. But still, I can’t wait!

They’ll both be working fulltime, which is different. One will be at home with a way cool advertising/marketing internship and the other working a dream job at the lake alongside all his buddies (and a “crush” since 6th grade, I might add).

So where does that put me? Haven’t decided yet.

I just have one more “sleep” until I can squeeze them tight and the anticipation is killing me!!! AND just received...
(The rest says...Go Study and good luck on your test tonight!)

I just know this will be one of my best Mother's Days ever. The best present...All four of us being under the same roof. I need nothing else.

Sappy Songs to click on:
Half Life (one of two Duncan Sheik songs) 
Dancing in the Moonlight  by King Harvest
Don’t Blink 
Play Me and Forever In Blue Jeans (both by Neil Diamond), 
These Are Days by 10,000 Maniacs 

5. The perfect Mother's Day consists of....


Ed Pilolla said...

eat that cupcake:) sounds like a quite a transition. i don't have kids, but when i go from my alone time to community, it's a legitimate transition. you are blessed.

Arnebya said...

So it doesn't get easier, huh? The being away from them? Because right now, while mine are still semi-little, this shit sucks. I won't go into an I hate my life, hate that I have to work, literally crave them some days and cry in the bathroom stall because it shouldn't be this way. But, that's where I am. That's why "I can’t begin to explain the longing you experience especially at the beginning" is exactly right. It is perfectly said. While there are certainly days when I want to see them badly and then we get home and bam! when the hell is bedtime, the need I have some days outweighs everything else.

Damn that's cool that they'll both have great jobs. I'm excited for you to see them, squeeze them, enjoy them for the summer.

Gina said...

We've talked cupcakes before. This time I chose a devil's food with chocolate icing. It totally hit the spot. Thank goodness there's a cupcake place in my tiny town.

It will be a huge transition, especially with stuff, junk and two more adults entering the door but it's all good. Wouldn't trade it for anything in the world!

Thanks, I believe I'm blessed as well.

Gina said...

I had a very similar conversation this morning with my friend Big Dave (my boxing partner). He said, "My kids suck!" because one of his 3 or 5 year old is up every night, several times, fussing about something. He's not sleeping. I know where he's coming from. I remember very well "when the hell is bedtime!"

It's hard to balance your feelings between work and being home. It's a pull that's for sure. It does get easier. When they get older and become more independent, everyone starts getting used to not being together as much. But I still struggled with it then..."Come on. Mom's fun. Hang with me." It usually required a bribe ;-).

Yea for jobs so they aren't in my pocket all the time being very temporarily retired at the moment! I can't wait. They'll let me squeeze for the night then tell me to get a grip!

Patrice said...

I miss having my kids home, and I wish they would be with me for Mother's Day!

Rose Casell said...

This stirred my heart. . .

Gina said...

I'm sorry you won't be with them for Mother's Day. That stinks! I miss mine tremendously but I try not to focus on it all the time but since it's T-minus 21 hours, I can't get it off my mind. Thanks for visiting.

Gina said...

Thanks you, Melissa. It stirs mine too!

About Last Weekend said...

So poignant...I love reading and hearing from mothers of much older children than mine - you obviously had yours when you were very young! - to hear their experiences and their advice. Too often I wish the days and years away and this reminds me to take it all in while they are here with us.

Gina said...

Jody!!! You're the first to know!!! My guy just surprised us and is walking in the door in a moment. I can not wait!!! He finished his final and skedaddled out of school....hope he cleaned his dorm so there's no bill. That's just practical mom talking.

Enjoy EVERY MOMENT! It goes way too fast! He's here!!!!!

TMWHickman said...

I am already dreading the day my son leaves home, but I have a little time yet! I hope the transition is smooth!

Gina said...

One down (a surprise appearance late last night from my son) and one to go this afternoon!!! He appeared in my room at 11:30 last night while I was reading to inform me that he was going to a midnight movie. Help me!

About Last Weekend said...

Gina - have a great time!

Krista said...

I'm so happy for you. Sounds like they're excited about coming home too. Hopefully the transition goes well for everyone to live under the same roof. I have a two year old and step children 16, 23, 25. So we have a range of family dynamics going on in our house. I like going to work for the change of scenery but I also miss my little one terribly. The nights she doesn't sleep definitely take their toll (three so far this week). Best of luck to you guys. Have a FABULOUS Mother's Day celebration!

Gina said...

We are all thrilled. It's been a long 8 1/2 months.

Yes, you do have quite the age range. Must lend to some very interesting yet exciting times! I understand "the miss" especially when they are still little. THREE NIGHTS! You must be delirious!

Have a fantastic Mother's Day yourself, Krista!!!

Kenya G. Johnson said...

Awwww this is so sweet. My mom and I about knocked each other down the first time I saw her after going away to school. It was Thanksgiving. LOL!

Gina said...

I know the feeling! It's hard. I used to cry every time she left which would make her cry so I had to stop that. Now when they walk in the door, they want that hug as badly as you want to jump all over them!!! Good times!!!

Linda @ DesignInMyView said...

Gina - Just found you via your recent comment on Leslie's "Trouversoleil" and have read your posts to here.
My son, college sophomore, called the other day as he walked between classes - just because he overheard another collegiate (who happened to be wearing a kilt) place a call to his mom. The trick I am learning is to keep it short and sweet (k.i.s.s.) and upbeat!
I'll be back.... Cheers!

Gina said...

Hi Linda,
Thanks for visiting. I love Leslie's blog...always fun to browse her great ideas.

They always call between classes, don't they? (I have a son who just finished his first year and daughter heading into her junior 1/2 year). I try to let them contact me and try to keep it short as well. Leaves them wanting more...hopefully.

Come back and visit!