Cheers To Being Lucky; One Out of One Hundred

I wasn’t going to write about this.

Then I was and then I wasn’t.

Today, I am. It’s been two weeks.

And I don’t know why I’m crying but I am. It’s silly really; the crying, because I’m okay and I will be okay. I guess I was scared. Scared that it happened and, now, scared to be writing about it. I have no idea why.

I didn’t want anyone to know at first but news travels fast. I thought it was too personal; too personal for me to share about myself, on my blog. That’s me being stupid. God, I dislike that word (my kids used to think it was the other “S” swear after shut up; both words weren’t allowed in our house).

I write about all sorts of silly nonsense that affects me. Why wouldn’t I write about this too?

So two weeks ago today I dove into the lake. I dove right off the end of the pier like I always have for the last 26 years, in exactly the same way.

However, there WAS a difference; a big difference. And I knew it. I knew it consciously, for sure, but it obviously didn’t register subconsciously at the particular moment of my dive after a long run on a very hot afternoon. Due to severe lack of rain, the lake level was down 2 feet (now even more).

When the typical depth at pier’s end is 5 ½ feet but now 3 ½ feet (or less), you encounter a problem when you dive in. Let’s just say that your head meets the ground at a faster rate than you could ever expect (velocity in Physics).

I broke my neck, three cervical vertebrae (one shattered, two fractured), and tore all it’s ligaments. Two surgeries and a week in ICU gave me plenty of time to reflect. I didn’t encounter a doctor, nurse or a single person that didn’t remind me how very lucky I was. My neurosurgeon mentioned, as he kept wiggling my toes, that out of 100 people with my injuries, 99 end up paralyzed in some form or fashion but most often quadriplegic. Well, that caught my attention real quick.

I’m on the mend, returning to a sense of normalcy (with lots of pharmaceutical help), but slowly it goes. I can’t do much but sit around. My fingers work; I thank God for that, as does my mind. I just haven’t felt like doing a lot until last night when my mind’s fire was stoked with red glowing ember and my fingers sprouted wings to fly. The old me returning? I hope so!

To say I’m looking at life through different glasses these last two weeks is an understatement. I’m changed. The people around me are too. Life is fragile as is its quality.

I’m living my life for today. Being in the present. Worrying about tomorrow when it gets here because there’s enough going on in my life today. I won’t put off the things I’ve been longing to do if I can help it. I must say the things I’ve wanted to say to all those around me but mostly to those important to me.  I’ll keep striving for genuine and sincere. Continue looking for the simple things, because they often make me the happiest.

I just might not have the opportunity tomorrow. Or even one moment from now. This I’ve learned.

Just Write

When Things That Are Supposed To Happen Do

What I was going to write about today changed at least five times and completely influenced by the ever-changing occurrences of my morning.

Have you ever had a day that you felt was stacked against you from the get go? Everything you tried to do, tried to accomplish was met with an obstacle; Obstacles that caused you to revert to Plan “B”, then Plan “C” and begin rethinking Plan “D”. This was precisely the morning I had.

I was very frustrated.

And yet…

I began to wonder why. Am I being tested? Am I supposed to be learning something? Should I be doing something different(ly) or am I waiting for something to happen, something that is supposed to?

I found Helen this morning (Helen Keller In Love, the book). That’s a good thing! I’d been looking pretty hard for her since Sunday. And I’m embarrassed to say where because she’d been right under my nose the whole time. In reality, I just needed to view my world, from my bed, from a different angle. Lesson here… Organize my messes better. Or don’t be so messy?

I’m not going to bore anyone with the mundane errands or workouts I intended to do this morning. They didn’t happen and it wasn’t within my control…literal and figurative roadblocks were thrown up at every turn.

I’m not dumb, so I took the hint and headed back home.

It was then I found out why my morning went as “someone” planned but not as I had planned.

A good friend knocked lightly on my side door. I almost didn’t hear it; it was that faint and when I looked through the window of the door I could see the glassiness of her eyes. They were almost full to the brim with tears.

This was my purpose today. This is why nothing worked out. Had I been running around accomplishing everything that I set out to do (and on the dreaded list left for me this morning (I dislike other people’s lists)), I would have missed that sound, that soft tap on my door.

We only talked for an hour and a half but the things we talked about were stellar and meaningful.

She asked me a question that had been on her mind, which she said was posed to Miss USA during the recent Miss Universe pageant after she slipped and fell on stage. It went something like this:

“If you could go back to any moment in time and do it differently, what would it be?” (BTW, Miss USA didn’t answer she’d prefer she hadn’t fallen)

We both had very clear feelings to express and specific moments to share with each other. She knows I like questions and it was a wonderfully private and trusting conversation. You can't go back and do it differently or change it. I cry easily as does she.

We also talked about “You’ll know when you know.” And you can’t change the 20% of a person that makes them different than you because everyone is different and why would you want them to be exactly the same as you anyway. Different is exciting and good. Different is necessary. So is change. Embrace them.

I’m not an Oprah fan but I had an “Ah Ha Moment” today and I would like more, please!


Anyone else experiencing any moments? Have any moments they would change if given the chance?