Shifts in Family Dynamics (When Your Kids Are Adult-ish)

The beauty of having older kids is no one wakes me up in the morning except the dog. As a matter of fact, I sometimes forget they’re home at all. It usually occurs to me around 11:00am because I either want to do something and the driveway is chocked full of cars that must be rearranged before I can reach mine OR dirty clothes magically appear in the laundry room during traditional sleeping hours (we are awake simultaneously for about 11-13 hours per day). Or the breadcrumb trails left throughout the kitchen and family room after midnight. 

On the plus side, they’ll willingly (within reason) run errands for me, walk the dog, unload the dishwasher, etc., etc.

The biggest difference, and what I forget in the time between their last visit home, is the shift in decision-making dynamics. They are mature-ish creatures of an extremely headstrong and opinionated nature. I suppose they’ve always been this way.

Historically and for the most part, our parenting style has been a dictatorship. Although I still think it’s fair to govern this way, it doesn’t go as smoothly as it once did. Everything is deemed discussable (and negotiable), which then leads some to believe we’re running a democracy. They think we vote on things. We, my husband and I, don’t. But then this happens…

“I agree with Daddy.” Or “Dad, Mom’s right.” Or “We don’t think so.”

We can feel the fault lines shift especially if there are an odd number of us involved. The “two against one” phenomena occurs. The playing field tilts when sides are taken and someone is odd man out unless all four of us are present. That typically turns out two against two then half the family is unhappy or disappointed or miffed.

Life with little kids is physically exhausting.

Life with adult(ish) children is mentally exhausting.

Nothing is perfect.

Believe me, we still haven't figured it out but I have no problem resorting to “because I said so” or outlandish and empty threats of punishment (especially if I’m woken during the night which I do not like) in a pinch as evidenced below.

When 5 boys spend the night...

And I didn't hear a peep!

 Happy Sunday! Today is homemade pasta making day!!! 

The Kid's Are In The House: Day One

Not me!

I wrote a post. It was a ten minute-ish, stream of consciousness, kind of post. I thought it was pretty good considering the limited time I had to write it. 

It was about a quiet start to my Saturday, a house full of kids (one girl, six boys, two mine, five not) and Dunkin' Donuts. It was sweet and light just like the morning I was having since they sleep in so late. 

It was about the joys of having college kids home for the Thanksgiving holiday and the inherent, yet lovely, commotion that tags along. The crazy hours, the revolving door of friends in and out and in and out. Even the sibling bickering sounded like a refreshing change to my normally quiet routine.

And in the very few seconds I took my eye off the ball amidst the chaos of having seven college kids in the house, I managed to cut (but not paste) and delete the post I wrote without saving it.

So I put on my happy, smiling, “nice” mommy face even though I’m frustrated as hell right now. I began writing again. And this post is nothing like the post I wrote before but it's all I can do right now.

It's only day one.

It could end up being a long nine days…

What's Annoying Me? You Asked...

It is that time again. It’s Sunday and one of the reasons I love Sundays besides reading the “big” paper is stream of consciousness writing over at Jana’s Thinking Place.

I truly can’t believe NaBloPoMo is almost completed. Thursday!!! Woo Hoo! It has been challenging blogging everyday but especially for the last week. Let’s finish strong though team Yeah Write!

Today’s (totally optional) prompt: I’m Annoyed By…

This is something that comes pretty easily to me. I mean it’s easy to find something that annoys me. So for the next five minutes, you’re going to hear it. Then I will not edit or fix it. Here goes nothing…

If I am being totally honest with you, I will admit that I’m annoyed, and not just a little, with my kids. They’ve only been home for nine days, one hour and 36 minutes but who’s counting and it’s been about long enough. They are in full comfort mode which means most of the initial charm has warn off… on both ends.

Now my kids aren’t toddlers or middle schoolers or even high schoolers. They are grown up big people with grown up personalities including stubborn streaks and all around feistiness. They are used to living with 20 something’s and we are used to living with 40 something’s (okay, I’m fibbing a little here). And that’s a big age swing of rational brain cells.

Patience and tempers have become a little shorter. The house is much messier. There’s crap all over the place and no one feels like doing anything about it. The easy going-ness of the first few days is only a glimmer. The there’s the bickering!

As much as we love and adore them, we are longing for our quiet life back, just the two of us.

I would like some semblance of order. I need to stop ordering takeout. I want to stop doing laundry and picking up after everyone.

I want to go back to being the patient, kind and cheerleading mommy who’s just a phone call away.

And I need to rest up because they’re coming back in 2 weeks and 5 days and it will be for much longer than a week. That will take extreme mental preparation. I still remember last year.

I just asked my daughter if she enjoyed being home. She said it’s never long enough and I hugged her saying I felt the same way ;-).

Monday Listicles: Memories I Can Actually Remember

So this week we are sharing 10 Amazing Memories from a Not So Distant Past over at Stasha's, The Good Life. This topic was suggested by the one and only Ducky.

Did I happen to mention that my short-term memory is kind of iffy since my accident in June? I guess hitting your head does that.

So if we spoke, in person or on the phone, or wrote in July and I don’t have some sort of physical evidence documenting it happened...Then it didn’t because I don’t really remember a thing from most of that month.

But I do have so many amazing memories from this past year that I DO remember (because I have some pictures):

1.    My very favorite people in the whole wide world (expect my kids and my parents) came along on my birthday trip to the Amalfi Coast and Rome this past year. AND one of those friends, translated approximately 2,000 pictures of our 12 days together, into a two volume, fully captioned memory for all of us! So many inside jokes, too many antics, but never too much fun, captured for life.

2.    Same friends, same trip, I received a CD collection of songs they personally chose for every year of my life. That’s a heck of a lot of songs, by the way. It took us three nights to dance through them all! Can't find the picture of the custom made Rolling Stones Bikini that they had made for me (have to frame that or something!).

3.    My kids are getting along at school (they attend the same midwest university). This may not seem like a big deal but it really is. They are polar opposites and argue ad nauseum (I’ve mentioned this before!). They send me pictures when they see each other. Or call me and ask for reimbursement for the dinner date they had which I said I would if they shared a meal together (bonding maybe?) Didn't know they had slip-n-slides at college.

4.    Speaking of college, Matt was actually asked back for his sophomore year. Well, he wasn’t asked back. He just wasn’t asked NOT to come back (or put on academic probation or some silly thing like that). Considering his relationship with school, this was one of the best things to come out of the last 12 months!

5.    We celebrated the life of the best dog in the whole world. Even though we lost her on June 11^th, she will remain a part of our family and in our hearts forever! Tears!!!

6.    I discovered who's really there for me when I need them. I don’t often ask for help and when I couldn’t, I didn’t have to; they were there.

(A Koozie cup present for beverages)

("No more doing your own stunts")

These are my nurses (they're nurses, too, really). They made the “touchdown” signal with their arms when I vomited chocolate malt across the hospital room and hit a wall 12 feet away. We laughed. It was funny considering...

7.    Something good came out of this, believe it or not, and I’m actually smiling (because I'm really "high" on meds) even though I don’t remember this (June 28^th, day after the “you know what”) or the next month for that matter. I think I'm having fun?

8.    I did my first ever triathlon. And I finished. That’s all there is to say about that one! Note to self: Train next time. It’s easier that way!

9.    My kids both had fulltime jobs for the summer and while this doesn’t seem like a big thing, it was to me. It made me feel like a success as a parent; that they felt the need and desire to become participants in this world, begin taking care of some of their own wants and needs, and exerting their independence. They finally understood the concept of work ethic outside of the academic environment. And they stayed out of my pocket for the most part. Nothing says "growing up" or being responsible like getting your butt up for a job EVERY DAY.

10.                  I started my blog on December 15^th last year. Nothing has seemed the same since. I have met wonderful, talented, and exciting people. Wouldn’t change that for the world!

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     This is also Day 5 of NaBloPoMo and I'm participating through one of my very favorite sites Yeah Write. Come check out what every crazy (like me) yet intensely talented bloggers is writing each and every day of November!

     Note to rowmies and columnies: I'm also challenging myself to workout before I'm allowed to write anything. So new material will only come AFTER I've moved in some form or fashion which means late morning!

College and Dogs, Endorphins, How French Women Stay Thin, Sleeping Naked

Only time for a very short burst of randomness today!

I really should be in the car, right at this very moment, driving down to Indiana University to see my kids. It’s not a long drive (3.75 hours) but I’m dragging my heels here. It’s a really big week! Addison, 80 lbs. of chocolate Lab-ness, is visiting campus for 3 days AND staying with Matt at his fraternity. They’ve nicknamed her “Frat-ison”. Their plan is to walk her up and down past all the sororities. They say a dog is a chick magnet. Hopefully, things will go down as planned!

Actually, I’m still catching up from a surprise visit from three college boys (and 5 loads of laundry (just my son’s)). They were fantastic. And I’ve been so incredibly pleased with each and every friend my son has introduced us to from his fraternity. We had five stay with us at the lake this summer for a long weekend and now these two this weekend. They’re all polite, helpful, engaging (look you in the eye and converse type of engaging), smart and they made their beds. What good boys! And they didn’t wake up momma at night with any loud or noisy behavior.

Probably my favorite type of workout is spinning. I love it. Talk about an endorphin rush! And the sweat pouring off…there’s nothing like it. Of course, the thought of burning 600 calories in an hour is addicting, too.

So watch this very short YouTube video (only 45 seconds) of how French women stay thin. 

 

 I knew there was more to it than just walking to the market everyday.

I love when I hear a favorite song on the radio that I’d forgotten about. And since I have Shazam, it’s easy for me to download it. So here is that song I forgot I loved so many years ago. I need more Bob Seger in my life. Plus I missed Music Moves Me Monday. So here's one from me...

Every morning when I go around the corner for coffee, I hear the question of the day by a local radio show. Most often I catch just the question and I’m not around to hear the answer. Today I tuned in just as Eric said, “Correct answer!”

So the question was, “At night, what do men do 3 times more than women?” I didn’t have the opportunity to hear the other guess and I’m not sure this would have been my guess but the answer is…….

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Sleep naked!

Would you have gotten that? I hung on for the brief conversation after the correct answer. Who feels more awkward in bed when one is wearing jammies and the other is naked? And the overwhelming response was the clothing clad person feels awkward that the other person is naked. Hmmmm…..

Happy Tuesday~

Thanks Stacy Uncorked, Shawn and Impulsive Addict for another Tuesday!