Promises Made to Self (Thanks!)

I promise myself I will write more in the new year. I promise I will write more once my computer gets fixed. I promise I will take my computer to Apple for repair after returning from vacation. I promise to have a fantastic vacation adventure. I promise to stay completely in the present while on holiday. I promise to read two books while there. I promise to finish the first, Mermaids in Paradise, on this second flight. I promise to lend it out at the resort without regard for its return.  I promise...

Wheels up.

Pondering Promises

I like to run outside. Preferably through a beautiful forest preserve. Somewhere I won’t likely run into people I know which is just about everywhere in this tiny place I live.

I don’t listen to music while I run (unless I’m sorely lacking motivation) because, to me, it’s thinking time. My mind is quiet for a change.

I drove to one of my favorite places this morning, Swallow Cliff (Home to the infamous “Stairs” I talk about). I needed this today. It was a gorgeous morning; peaceful and quiet and perfect to ponder “a promise” prompt courtesy of Mama Kat's Writing Challenge.

Not one to follow rules precisely, I decided to twist this and thought about my feelings about promises in general.

How do I feel about promises? What kind of promises do I make? Should I, or anyone, promise anything? You know, stuff along those lines.

I thought about the kind of promises I made to people when I was younger. “I promise we’ll always be together” (probably not a good thing to do at age 21), “I promise I won’t tell.”, “I promise to go with you to….” They were simple, small and easy to keep with the exception of the one I should never have made. Lessons….

“Promise only what you can deliver. Then deliver more than you promise.” 

- Author Unknown

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve promised less. And it’s not for fear of falling short and I don’t believe I’m copping out either. It just hasn’t been required. People know they can count on me. I’ve demonstrated the “reliability factor”. I don’t often let people down but I have on occasion.

There is actually one thing that I will promise and I do so often. I’ll always hold someone’s confidence in a securely locked spot deep within me. Consider it a vault made of steel…NOTHING is coming out…not tomorrow, not next week or next year. Not ever.

Promises get broken and that saddens me because I know it hurts. I’ve felt it but I don’t spend time worrying that someone will disappoint me. We all make mistakes, and I’m a frequent offender. I also don’t believe those close to me would ever intentionally disappoint me either, but sometimes they do. I’m a big girl and I can deal with disappointment.

What weighs on me the most is the possibility that I might disappoint someone else. That’s tough for me.  I don’t want my promises to be empty and unreliable. So, I don't frequently make them.


Is it a bad thing that I don’t make promises often? I’m not sure how to answer my own question but I don’t think so.

I like this promise...It's sweet and easy, and these days, I'm loving sweet and easy!

************************************************

For The First Time

ANTICIPATION

By Carly Simon
Thought I would add a link to this song because it was in my mind when I wrote the post below.

****************************************************************

I can tell by the way you’re looking at me and I’m scared…so scared. It's so obvious what’s on your mind right this very minute. It’s been on your mind for over a month.

Your words tell me that we’ll do this together; that it’ll be the perfect night and you’ll take care of everything. We should be the ones. You’ve even picked out a spot?

I DON’T KNOW.

This is way too much pressure.

I love you; you know that. I want you to be happy with me and you tell me it won’t matter what I decide to do.  If we go through with this, what comes next?  

We are sooooo young! Don’t you think so too?

I mouth “thank you” when you tell me, in front of my friends, that I look pretty. You’ve never been one to hand out the compliments so readily. Thinking about my dress makes me all the more nervous.  Why did I choose white? I feel stupid and obvious.

How will I make it past this night because my mind is so occupied right now? My only choice is to go through the motions. You ask me to just smile and dance with you.

No, I’m not hungry or mad. I’m just thinking.

You do look so incredibly handsome and you’re being so nice. We usually fight at dances, at least the last three. I can smell your cologne; you always wear Polo because you say it makes me kiss you. 

Please don’t run down the list again. I know who have…Tim and Leslie, Maggie and Bill, Bee and Tembo. It’s driving me crazy. I feel like there’s a giant weight pressing down extremely hard on my heart and my head. I’m getting a headache when we’re supposed to be dancing and laughing and having the time of our lives. We graduate next week!

How about we wait until graduation night? Of course, I know what you’ll say. “We’re not going to feel like it then. We’ll be with all of our friends.” I’m desperately trying to postpone this, something. Aren’t we too young?

Thank you for taking my hand as we walk away from the group towards the parking lot. Where ARE we going? The park? I know what spot you’re talking about now. I can’t believe you put a blanket in your trunk.

My eyes are closely watching your every move as you snap out the blanket and lay it out.  I’m shaking as you approach me. My eyes automatically fill with tears as you hug me tighter than you ever have and whisper what I need to hear.

I feel like I’m slipping. 

Slipping down a steep slope that will change me forever.  

*****************************************************************

Follow You, Follow Me

Genesis, 1978

Hope comes in a jar. It floats. We wrote about hope in our memoirs this week, now let’s take it in a different direction. According to Dante, the gates of hell are inscribed “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.”
Let that inscription lead, but not necessarily define, your piece for Friday’s link-up.
500 words or less.

A Very Big Promise

God I hate your parents! 

Your Dad's an asshole. He'll never say yes. 

Promise? 

You faked it; I did it. Thanks, loverboy. Your turn so we can finally hook up. 

Will this work? 

This is my take on a more modern day pre-inlaw thing and an argument between a young couple about their families. 

Yes, I have a healthy obsession with this fated couple. Poor kids. Why so dramatic? Well it was 1340 Italy. 

Romantic? Love the "love at any cost" thing but really? 

Thanks to Trifecta Writing Challenge for the challenge to tell a fable, book, poem or famous story in 33 words...My Way! Actually, I haven't figured out much.