I wasn’t going to write about this.
Then I was and then I wasn’t.
Today, I am. It’s been two weeks.
And I don’t know why I’m crying but I am. It’s silly really; the crying, because I’m okay and I will be okay. I guess I was scared. Scared that it happened and, now, scared to be writing about it. I have no idea why.
I didn’t want anyone to know at first but news travels fast. I thought it was too personal; too personal for me to share about myself, on my blog. That’s me being stupid. God, I dislike that word (my kids used to think it was the other “S” swear after shut up; both words weren’t allowed in our house).
I write about all sorts of silly nonsense that affects me. Why wouldn’t I write about this too?
So two weeks ago today I dove into the lake. I dove right off the end of the pier like I always have for the last 26 years, in exactly the same way.
However, there WAS a difference; a big difference. And I knew it. I knew it consciously, for sure, but it obviously didn’t register subconsciously at the particular moment of my dive after a long run on a very hot afternoon. Due to severe lack of rain, the lake level was down 2 feet (now even more).
When the typical depth at pier’s end is 5 ½ feet but now 3 ½ feet (or less), you encounter a problem when you dive in. Let’s just say that your head meets the ground at a faster rate than you could ever expect (velocity in Physics).
I broke my neck, three cervical vertebrae (one shattered, two fractured), and tore all it’s ligaments. Two surgeries and a week in ICU gave me plenty of time to reflect. I didn’t encounter a doctor, nurse or a single person that didn’t remind me how very lucky I was. My neurosurgeon mentioned, as he kept wiggling my toes, that out of 100 people with my injuries, 99 end up paralyzed in some form or fashion but most often quadriplegic. Well, that caught my attention real quick.
I’m on the mend, returning to a sense of normalcy (with lots of pharmaceutical help), but slowly it goes. I can’t do much but sit around. My fingers work; I thank God for that, as does my mind. I just haven’t felt like doing a lot until last night when my mind’s fire was stoked with red glowing ember and my fingers sprouted wings to fly. The old me returning? I hope so!
To say I’m looking at life through different glasses these last two weeks is an understatement. I’m changed. The people around me are too. Life is fragile as is its quality.
I’m living my life for today. Being in the present. Worrying about tomorrow when it gets here because there’s enough going on in my life today. I won’t put off the things I’ve been longing to do if I can help it. I must say the things I’ve wanted to say to all those around me but mostly to those important to me. I’ll keep striving for genuine and sincere. Continue looking for the simple things, because they often make me the happiest.
I just might not have the opportunity tomorrow. Or even one moment from now. This I’ve learned.