Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Get Me Out of Here. NOW!

Develop the mind of equilibrium.

You will always be getting praise and blame,

but do not let either affect the poise of the mind:
follow the calmness, the absence of pride.
Sutta Nipata

I don’t know if I’m in a feisty mood or a cranky mood but I’m definitely in some kind of one. That is for darn sure!

AND…I’m supposed to be doing all sorts of things. Obviously I’m not doing them because my fingers are moving here and not elsewhere like packing. I have not one single item in a suitcase for a five-day trip. Not good considering the taxi will arrive in a few hours to wisk us away.

I’m in a very conflicted state at the moment so possibly that’s why I’m taking time, which I don’t have, to clear my brain matter here.

Why in such a state if you care to know?

For the last eight years, I have left on this very morning to travel what seems like (and is) all day to see my Goddaughters at Hogar de NiƱos Nazareth in Comayagua, Honduras.

They write me all the time and ask who’s coming; who’s coming? Is Amanda coming with you or Mateo? Secretly, they always hope its Mateo, the blond hair, blue eyed, wild and crazy, teenaged, soccer-playing boy, even though they pretend not to like him.

I bring them presents, and we hang out and they teach me to make jewelry. We talk about a million things (or as much as my Spanglish allows). They love to laugh at me speaking but carefully correct each and every word, as I do with their English. They think their Madrina (Godmother) is muy loco and I say, “You Chikas are too!”

So I won’t see them and it makes me very sad. I sent gifts and letters with one of my travel buddies and they’ll take pictures and write letters in return, which will make me cry. But none of it will come close to my desire to hug them tightly and look into their eyes.

They will be sad and disappointed, too, when the bus pulls into the orphanage and we aren’t on it.  I’ve never not come in June, for eight years. They count on it, we all look forward to it, and I feel I’m letting them down.

On a much lighter note….

I’m still procrastinating. I'm still sitting in the same spot. I’m still not packing for the wedding I’ve been writing about for the last few weeks.  Or I should say I’ve been writing about the dress for the wedding (fingers crossed for a fit!). Well, that dress isn’t packed yet either but it will be. I always forget something, though.

The timing of this get away couldn’t be better. It’s perfect! I need this. And I’ll be with all my closest friends and we’ll be laughing and having fun and it'll be a blast and a weekend for the memory books.

But my heart is divided and won’t entirely be in either place.

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections." --Unknown

P.S. See you all next week!!!


  1. enjoy your trip!
    i always put off packing. that's the way it's supposed to be done:)

    1. Ed,
      Venice Beach is just nuts! The craziest place. Enjoying your city very much!

  2. Glad you will get to see great friends! Have fun!

    Perhaps you can plan another surprise trip at a different time to your goddaughters.

    1. I traveled with my friends out here. Wedding today! Woo Hoo!

      Considering the climate of the country, we can only travel there chaperoned by a service group (friends as well) All God's Children, Our spot, with my group, is June. It will be a whole year before we travel there again :-(.

  3. Awww, the grumpiness was before you want to be in two places at once. I hope you had a wonderful time.

    1. I don't have a lot of them and the feeling is usually VERY short lived. Too much going on emotionally right now and sometimes the feeling bogs me down.

      The wedding weekend was spectacular but I knew it would be and it was incredibly special but I knew that would be the case as well!

  4. Are you going to get to visit your goddaughters this summer at all?

    1. Nope! The country's situation, at the moment, makes it difficult to schedule a trip. My friends just got back Sunday night and they were required to have two well armed guards with them at all times. Hubby wouldn't let me go now even if I begged. Not super safe. Next June, it is! Very sad!