Develop
the mind of equilibrium.
You
will always be getting praise and blame,
but
do not let either affect the poise of the mind:
follow
the calmness, the absence of pride.
Sutta
Nipata
I don’t know if I’m in a feisty mood or a cranky mood but I’m definitely in some kind of one. That is for darn sure!
AND…I’m
supposed to be doing all sorts of things. Obviously I’m not doing them because
my fingers are moving here and not
elsewhere like packing. I have not one single item in a suitcase for a five-day
trip. Not good considering the taxi will arrive in a few hours to wisk us away.
I’m
in a very conflicted state at the moment so possibly that’s why I’m taking
time, which I don’t have, to clear my brain matter here.
Why
in such a state if you care to know?
For
the last eight years, I have left on this very morning to travel what seems
like (and is) all day to see my Goddaughters at Hogar de Niños Nazareth in Comayagua, Honduras.
They
write me all the time and ask who’s coming; who’s coming? Is Amanda coming with
you or Mateo? Secretly, they always hope its Mateo, the blond hair, blue eyed, wild and crazy, teenaged, soccer-playing boy, even though they pretend not to
like him.
I
bring them presents, and we hang out and they teach me to make jewelry. We talk about a
million things (or as much as my Spanglish allows). They
love to laugh at me speaking but carefully correct each and every word, as I do with their English.
They think their Madrina (Godmother) is muy loco and I say, “You Chikas are
too!”
So
I won’t see them and it makes me very sad. I sent gifts and letters with one of
my travel buddies and they’ll take pictures and write letters in return, which
will make me cry. But none of it will come close to my desire to hug them tightly
and look into their eyes.
They
will be sad and disappointed, too, when the bus pulls into the orphanage and we
aren’t on it. I’ve never not come
in June, for eight years. They count on it, we all look forward to it, and I feel I’m letting them down.
On
a much lighter note….
I’m
still procrastinating. I'm still sitting in the same spot. I’m still not packing for the wedding I’ve been
writing about for the last few weeks.
Or I should say I’ve been writing about the dress for the wedding (fingers crossed for a fit!). Well,
that dress isn’t packed yet either but it will be. I always forget something, though.
The
timing of this get away couldn’t be better. It’s perfect! I need this. And I’ll
be with all my closest friends and we’ll be laughing and having fun and it'll be a blast and a
weekend for the memory books.
But
my heart is divided and won’t entirely be in either place.
"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections." --Unknown
P.S. See you all next week!!!
