You Don't Want To Sleep With Me Right Now

Ughhhhh! It’s starting again!

It runs in families, so Wikipedia says, yet I haven't found convincing evidence of this. I only know what it means for me and there isn’t really anything I can do about it. It may last a few nights or a few weeks. It’s definitely cyclical, for me. 

And it’s exhausting.

WebMD says 3.7% of participants report two or more episodes per month. I'm in the 96.3% where it occurs much more frequently. If I’m sleepwalking, I’m doing it almost every night.

My unconventional behavior started when I was a kid. Mom said when she’d come in to check on me before she went to bed, I’d often be chattering. She’d sit on the edge of my bed engaging me in conversations. I’d mumble incoherent responses but, sometimes, she could make out words and phrases. Apparently, she used this as her entertainment. My dad traveled.

I don't blame her. I did the same same thing with my non-walking but sleeptalking daughter. Try it if you have the opportunity. Good times!

Before anyone gets all freaky knowing more about my personal sleeping habits, think of me as simply a regular girl on the go. And be happy you don’t sleep with me because I will wake you up frequently.

My "other" nighttime world commenced again two nights ago.

Standing directly over my husband on his side of the bed, I woke to him saying, “I don’t know where your iPad is.”

“What are you talking about?” I countered.

“Just get back in bed, please.” And I did.

According to Wikipedia, it's thought sleepwalking is acting out a dream but, apparently, it has little to do with dreaming. In fact, it occurs when the sleeper is enjoying the most oblivious, deepest sleep in which dreams are not usually reported. 

There was no iPad in my dream.

Last night, he called out from bed, “Where are you going? Come back here.” as I walked out of our bedroom around 1:30.

I remember thinking, “I don’t know.” and simply returned to bed.

I’m inclined to point the finger at him lately. His snoring, sniffling, or “whatever(s)” are keeping me from sleeping soundly but we both know that's not it. I’ve been doing this in some form or fashion my whole life including the “pre-snoring” days. 

He's so nice about it. I know I probably wouldn't be.

In fact, my self-diagnosed "light sleeper syndrome" is called being a mom.

Again, Wikipedia notes sleepwalking arises during our slow wave , deep sleep stage as a state of low consciousness and sleepwalkers perform activities that are generally done during full consciousness. These activities can be as benign as sitting up in bed, walking to the bathroom, cleaning, or as hazardous as cooking, driving, or grabbing at hallucinated objects and sometimes, worse.

And it's true, sleepwalking usually occurs during the first third of the night (between 11 p.m. and 1 a.m.), at least for me.

Things I’ve done while sleepwalking aren't substantial. I'm inclined to walk around, ask questions and say nonsensical stuff. Frequently, I find myself in our foyer or the kitchen and I’ve been known to sit at my computer in the study but I'm definitely on the first floor if no one catches me.

When I'm descending the stairs, I do have semi-conscious thoughts like, “What am I doing? Where am I going? Why am I doing this?”

It’s always answered with, “How the hell do I know?”

I don’t stop; I can’t stop. I keep going.

By the time I reach my final destination, wherever that is, I’m usually cognizant and silently screaming, “Get back in bed! Damn it."

However, then I’m wide awake. So if anyone is up for a game of “Words With Friends” during the night, hit me up! I don’t play but I will.

Per Wikipedia, a report was published in 2008 of a woman who sent semi-coherent emails while sleepwalking, including one inviting a friend for dinner and drinks. Please note if you receive such emails from me during sleepy-time, I'll be surprised when you show up.

Sleepwalking episode tend to range from quietly walking about a room to agitated running or attempts to "escape." When questioned, our responses are typically slow or absent while we quietly roam.

In the not too distant past, I walked out of my house onto my front porch. It felt extremely weird waking up outside. Thankfully it was springtime but it was very discomforting like I'd crossed a different boundary and that was scary.

It certainly doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what causes sleepwalking. Sleep deprivation, chaotic sleep schedules, stress, alcohol intoxication or drugs such as sedatives are the culprits as stated by WebMD. For me, it seems to happen when I’m NOT imbibing at all. I don’t use drugs of any kind including sleep aides so I attribute it to the first three.

Good sleep hygiene is also recommended to reduce sleepwalking as documented on Wikipedia.

I assure you; I go to bed squeaky clean and smelling pretty darn good every night but I stay up far too late stimulating my brain with books. Good sleep is dependent on good sleeping habits (think babies, I guess!) and reading late into the night has been a habit since I was a child.

There's also crazy Freudian research stated on Wikipedia saying that sleepwalking is connected to fulfillment of sexual wishes. I don't buy it. Freud also claims that unconscious impulses and day residues colliding are to blame and the resulting conflict is mobility during sleep.

Now that makes perfect sense to me!

However, can my unconscious impulses and day residues get along for once?

All I want is uninterrupted sleep on a consistent basis.

Pretty please?

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This is NOT me but this is what it's like I'm sure if someone were to video me! Apparently the video went viral. It's short and hilarious! Here is the video of her reaction but watch what she's doing in the upper left corner; that's the sleepwalking bit. Tears are rolling down my face as I'm typing this!