Monday Listicles: 10 Things That Are Better Than Average About Me

The topic over at Stasha's Monday Listicles this week, suggested by Bonnie, is “10 Great Things About Me”.

This is sort of awkward for me. I don’t usually talk or write about what I think is great about myself. I’d rather “you” figure that out by knowing me then “you” decide what “you” think. “You” don’t even need to tell me but if “you” do, “you” will get a big hug (heads up Azara ;-))

10 Things I’m Way Better Than Average At:

1.    Making Someone Pee Their Pants- Well, not everyone will but I’m really, really good at making friends laugh especially when I make fun of myself. I have this one friend who does (pee her pants) on a rather frequent basis (she’s not proud of it). It may be me. I go a little too far then I’m all like “no, no, no DON’T!” but it’s always too late.

2.    It’s Your Idea Anyway- Some may call it manipulation. I call it Psychology 201. I can help you think something is your idea or a good one. Consider it my win/win approach to negotiating for something I’d like.  My nickname in sales was the “Velvet Hammer”.

3.     Ready, Set, Go!- If you told me you’d be here or we’re leaving the house in 30 minutes, I’d totally be ready. I’ve mastered S/H/M/C (that’s shower, hair, makeup, clothes) in less than that.

4.    Onion Peeling – It was curiosity that killed the cat, I swear! I’m a fantastic question asker. Even my questions have questions. I love to peel away every layer. I often say, “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want.” but I'm always hopeful you will. I should have been a journalist or an interviewer of some sort. Then I’m….

5.    All Ears- I will listen forever. I don’t need to hear my voice. I’m extremely attentive, won't judge and will give advice only if asked. However, if you’re boring, I will daydream. If you’re egotistical or a braggart, I will politely excuse myself. I subscribe to the theory “Not my information to share.” If you tell me something in confidence that information will never cross my lips again unless, of course, you bring it up. But I have….

6.    Elephantitis of the Memory- Don’t tell me anything you don’t want me to remember for the rest of my natural years. I remember everything and I mean EVERYTHING. Tell me your phone number twice and I’ll know it forever. I’m like Rain Man. My family and friends don’t often need a phonebook. Faces are etched forever. All of this is a blessing and curse sometimes (See #6.).

7.    Kickass Dinner Parties: We eat, we laugh, we dance…that’s all. If they’re impromptu, that’s so much more fun. Call us up last minute; we’re game (to order in too) but don't dress up. When cold weather sets in we stay in more than go out. So come over. I promise you’ll have a blast!

8.    Hugging It Out- I truly believe I could win a “hug out” if there were ever a contest. I excel at hugging. It's a true talent.This is a warning for those of you I haven’t met yet. I will hug you so consider yourself warned.

9.    Partners In Crime Need Not Apply- Have a crazy idea, a proposed adventure, or something outrageous you’d like to try? I’m your girl. I’m an awesome PIC and it’s highly unlikely that I’d say no. And if it turns out it was a bad idea, I won't leave you hanging by yourself. We're partners after all!

10. Being a Mom- I am NOT perfect. I’ve made a million mistakes but I'm often told my kids (19 and 22 years old) turned out very well. They're loved by many and people really enjoy hanging out with them because they're fun and engaging but, most of all, they’re kind human beings. Selfishly, I hope it’s a reflection on their parents.

That wasn’t too bad. Happy first week of December!

The Art Of Goosing Someone

Write a 33-word response using the name of an animal as a verb. 

****************************

Rein in your excitement.

Take moments to be certain.

Glimpsing a profile definitely helps

Before running up to goose someone you think you know.

It’s inappropriate to touch strangers

And embarrassing.

Mostly awkward.

Would I Do It or NOT? Reverse Bucket List

I suppose some things are always up for negotiation.

There aren’t many things I wouldn’t give a whirl but there are certainly a few things I would never do, want to do or be willing to do. If you have done the things on my Reverse Bucket List, more power to you and please don’t be offended if I don’t partake. For me, some things are just not gonna happen. Like…

1. I’m never going to Japan, not one ounce of interest even though I’ve been known to stalk the head chef at The Sushi House. You tried to lose me by moving to Nabuki but I found you!

2. I would never, never appear on “Fear Factor” and only for one reason. I’m not going to eat or drink any of that disgusting crap! Push me out of a helicopter but I refuse to drink donkey piss (they got in trouble for that!)

3. A tarantula will never come anywhere near me again. We came upon one on a path in Big Sur and told our friend to put her foot next to it for size reference. We later found out they jump. Yuck!

That's my bad video job as we were caught by surprise. 

4. I will never watch Jersey Shore or read anything related to the subject and I don’t think that requires an explanation! 

5. I'll never run a marathon. I’m not going to poop my pants on the streets of Chicago just to finish or maybe it’s because my body wouldn’t cooperate. Not sure.

6. I refuse, therefore won't, give up wine or coffee but if I had to break up with one, it would be coffee.

You know who said this? Benjamin Franklin and he knows his shit! True fact!

7. I will never be a White Socks fan. When you live in Chicago, there are some decision you have to make early on and then there’s no such thing as switching even though they suck EVERY SINGLE year.

 Sorry, slightly inappropriate.

8. I think some tattoos are really pretty but…

9. I don’t want to jinx myself because I have never even been arrested which kind of leads into… I never want to spend the night in jail. I’ve had a run in or two before or should I say a “run from” so I’ll knock on wood here.

Good book, BTW

10. I won't be taking it all off at a nudist beach. My only opportunity was when I went to Hedonism in Jamaica at the age of 25. If I didn’t do it then it is very unlikely to happen...EVER. That's not to say I wouldn’t go to a very private beach and skinny dip but not more than one person at a time is going to see me doing this!

There you have it...a few things I never want to do courtesy of Mama Kat's prompt:

3.) Create a reverse bucket list that names the top ten things you never want to do.
(Inspired by The Hairpin)

Remembering Numbers

Red Writing Hood: Pick A Number

This prompt was one of the first Red Dress Club prompts. We were to choose numbers from a list as follows: The first number will be for your character, the second your setting, the third the time and the fourth will be the situation.

Then take the four elements and combine them into a short story.

All four you picked MUST be your main elements, but you can add in other characters, settings, times and situations.

I chose a waitress, at a party, at or around midnight and someone has lost/found something.

Thank God Margaret’s equally desperate to come up with rent money. Our apartment isn’t expensive but it’s happens every month. We both have fulltime jobs but somehow it’s always a problem. We need to find better drink specials or boys to buy rounds without strings attached.

Opportunity appears at our apartment door in the form of Sandy, Mar’s sister, who offers us a Friday gig that pays $75 cash for five hours of waitressing. “I suck at waitressing?” “You’ll be fine. You’ll need a black skirt, white blouse and you’re good to go.”  She didn’t mention the gig was at Owensia Golf Club, the most exclusive country club in the Chicagoland area. Can you say swank?

The first night goes so well the GM asks us back for a REALLY BIG party where our best behavior is required. Huh? The waitresses are buzzing because there’re some huge names attending tonight (Marshall Fields, Wrigleys, Pritzkers, Mortons). This is the kind of party I’d rather attend then serve but being broke is a fantastic motivator.

It takes only moments to realize there’s benefits to wandering through this crowd. The fancies brought along the younger generation.  I know I’m just a waitress and have a boyfriend, but I’ve always believed you can be on a diet and still look at the menu, and there’s good stuff on this one.

I keep catching the eye of this great looking guy and, shit, he’s moving into my area so I’ll have to take his drink order. I always go red in the face at times like this and I feel it as he orders a beer. Now, I’m going to have to bring it back to him. Just relax, I tell myself. I didn’t become more bold and flirtatious until a year or two later.

For dinner, I’m assigned the Marshall Fields table and guess who’s at it? Couldn’t I just get the rich nobodys? I see Margaret laughing and I know it was a mistake to mention I thought this guy was hot. Every time I set a plate in front of him, he speaks to me. If I wasn’t so uncomfortable I might pick up the flirting.

It’s midnight; party over, thank God. Margaret asks, “Where’s your bracelet?” Oh shit! I am not going back into THAT room.

You know the feeling when you sense someone close to you; you feel their energy field or heat? The hair on my neck rises as I hear someone say,

“I think this is yours.”

My face does it again as I turn around.

“Hi, I’m Jeremy. You’re Gina, right.”

“How’d you know my name?”

He points to Margaret. That rat!


"Would you consider giving me your number?”

“I don’t give out my number,” I say yet smiling.

“Ok, I’ll give you mine and you can decide if you wanna call” as he reaches for a cocktail napkin.

“I have a fantastic memory. Tell me and I’ll remember.”


Now I have to decide if I’m going to call Jeremy Fields or not because I do remember the number….

The Awesome and The AWKWARD

In my opinion, there's nothing sweeter than a child calling to say, "I'd like to come home for the weekend. Is it ok?". This is a drop everything, nothing else matters moment. Maybe I'm psycho. I don't know but my friends do the same.


This weekend turned into pure awesomeness. So many wonderful and sweet moments squeezed into 65 blissful hours. It's heaven to spoil just one kid at a time without the bickering that comes along with having her brother home too.


We change into sweats, build a fire, and share some wine while noshing on her hand picked menu which I happily cook for her. We're cozy and relishing in all the time ahead of us for meaningful and silly chit chat. She's lovin' up her pups and paying extra attention to the recovering patient (the one mom ran over). We talk about grades and classes and boys.......


While cleaning the kitchen, I hear them, she and her daddy, in the study with the music a little too loud. They're comparing recent iTune purchases and play lists. Both have pretty impressive selections on their pods and they're swapping crazy favorites. Funny how she loves some of his old rock stuff! He definitely doesn't like her taste in rap.


Then there's The Sushi House, as always, and little "love pinches" that really annoy her but I can't help myself. She says, "Mom, I'm not your play thing!" but she is. We hit the mall and play "how much can you try on and buy in 45 minutes?". The answer is a lot! We both aren't shoppers.

I even pretend that I'm thrilled to do her laundry (if you know me, then you know how badly I hate it). As I'm sorting her clothes to dump into the washer, I find myself holding a large Blackhawks tee-shirt and a very large pair of gym shorts! Hmmmmmmm and then the light switch flicks on.

Imagine the sound of a stereo needle scratching across an album!

These are SHACK CLOTHES! We've all been there, done that but my baby doing the walk of shame? I'm speechless for a moment then call, "Dollface, can you come into the laundry room?" She sees what I'm holding, smirks and high tails it out of the room as quickly as she bounced in. I'm calling after her, "I KNOW WHAT THESE ARE!" I'm not mad but then I'm the understanding and realistic one.


My lips are sealed because her daddy is within minutes of shaking hands with the kid, for the very first time, that she's borrowing clothes from . I can't even imagine what would have gone down had he known or if the boy knew I knew what they were up to 4 hours away from us.


Sadly, it's Sunday and we've packed her up, about to say goodbye to her and the guy (he lives in our 'hood). Dad asks if she needs some cash. Who says no? I know where his wallet is and I follow her in. Why don't we see how much is in there? It goes a little like this...One for me and one for you; one for me and one for you; one for me and OOPS...Daddy's down one large in 10 seconds flat.


We left Dad and the boy out on the driveway ALONE. I think I made the right decision not to tell him about the laundry. It wouldn't have ended well, I fear.

AWKWARD!!!