The Beatles
Cat Stevens
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One of the most important virtues I learned from my father
was fairness, in actions, words and judgments. He never spelled it out, but his
actions before us spoke volumes. Believe me, my brother and I had some good
knock down, drag outs but somehow we were respectful (unless you count a little
hair pulling or other things).
Dad taught us how to fight a clean fight.
I have a temper although it doesn’t rear its ugly head often,
as my friends will attest and who've rarely seen me in a tizzy. On the other
hand, my family would most definitely disagree. They think I fly off the
handle, am unreasonable and make a big deal out of nothing. Says who?
You know the saying, “If mom’s not happy, nobody’s happy!”
Quite true and more significantly, don’t mess with the enforcer here in Mayberry.
In essence, don’t try me or you’ll be guaranteed a “fight”. Otherwise, I'm perfectly pleasant.
When I “fight”, I don’t ever name call or swear… directly
at someone, that is (just kidding). It’s an unspoken rule in this house and
always has been. There’s no “stupid”, “shut up”, “B*@#h”, “F*#k you”, etc. A word
or two may slip out of my naughty mouth relating to the situation, an f-bomb
for instance. It does, and most definitely under my breath, but I never wind up
and throw a punch of that sort at them personally. That is definitely not a
clean fight!
Clean fights don’t include cheap shots, either verbally or
physically. That’s cowardly and something my kids learned outside this home through
some hard knocks; sports and relationships included.
I’ve tried hard to impress upon them this life lesson through my actions and because I’m not perfect, some of my behavior gets thrown right
back at me. How nice! I quickly apologize which is another good lesson.
So I pass this on to them. If you always fight a clean
fight, you can hold your head high.
Clean; adjective
20 comments:
Nice advice to a kid but now days it might not be that easy. The amount of violence kids now see on TV and that's just in the comedy's that rubs off at an early age. I guess I'm not saying what a lot of people have already said in the world, so let me say your story was a good one.
I don't know, booguloo...My kids are in college. We don't swear at each other or call each other names (brother and sister might without me around). My son was a high school wrestler so he learned to settle things physically without sucker punches. My daughter holds her own. It's an ideal that we should strive for...do I achieve it all the time, hardly. Will they? No. I would like for them to think its a goal though.
Thanks for coming by!!!
I think a good clean fight, whether physical, political or theoretical, is all we can work toward.
I come from two parents who fight dirty, which funny enough leads to children who either don't fight at all, or are obsessed with the cleanness of it all.
Great take.
I like the lesson of clean fights that you taught your children. My sons fight all the time and it can get dirty. Yet another thing I get onto them to clean up.
It is important to know how to fight fair but to recognize how to handle yourself when the other side starts throwing low blows.
Despite how horrifying it can be, there are some great life lessons to learn from Boxing.
Thanks, Karen. I whole heartedly agree that it is the goal. I can totally see how one would take the complete opposite approach when they experience or witness nasty arguing.
I just want my kids to be able to handle themselves but treat people with respect as well.
As I said, it's a goal/ideal that I hope they move forward with in their lives. They're in college and essentially on their own. Not much more I can do. Hopefully they are respectful. They certainly aren't perfect and fight like cats and dogs at home. I've heard they're best buds at school (they go to the same place).
My guy knows how to handle this from wrestling where the rules can sometimes be gray. He's good at neutralizing a situation through real life practice, physically and through words.
My girl, on the other hand, is the queen of verbalization when it comes to arguing. I don't like to be on the wrong side of that one and we often have to walk away and count to ten. She needs to be careful because her words can be biting and cut right through you. We work on softening her approach quite often.
I agree, as a long time boxing fan. My son wrestled through high school and he will say that a lot of lessons he learned about life were on the mat...how to properly defend oneself, using brain as well as brawn, pushing through fear, a solid work ethic, etc. It's helping him in college, right now, dealing with some erratic drunken guys.
I think you just wrote about everything I try to impart onto my children. They are still young, and I encourage them to not even say words like "stupid," "hate," and "disgusting." Maybe when they're older and when those words are more in context. Right now, there's just no need. Thanks for coming by and commenting, Gina!
I've spent 21 years doing it so I hope they've taken lots of it with them into their new adulthood. The most important thing, as well, is knowing I'm not perfect, I make lots of mistakes but I apologize very quickly and sincerely the minute I realize the error of my ways!
For the longest time, they thought the "S" swear was "shut up" then they guessed "stupid"....very cute of them. Two words that I hate.
I swear like a sailor. But I can count on one hand the number of such invectives that I've actually used or even thought about my husband. On two fingers actually. When language is used to demean, that's when it becomes offensive in my mind.
Ya know....we just don't do it. We don't call each other names or swear at each other. We never discussed it; it was not a conscious decision. It just was.
Have I thought someone in my family was an A-hole at times? Sure have! Then it immediately comes to mind that maybe I've been one too.
I agree with you! My lesson was to respect other people even when you don't agree or even like them.
I've got that sailor thing's number, too.
Thanks for linking up to Trifecta this week. I love the advice your piece gives us. It's very similar to how we raise our kids. I swoon when I hear my kids talking out their problems respectfully. I think profanity is fantastic, but not when it's aimed at a person.
Hope to see you back again soon.
Thanks! As Jester Queen noted, it's very demeaning when its pointed directly at someone. Rumor has it, my kids get along better at school than at home so that's a good thing.
i am learning this lesson as well becuz i too have a temper. if i can restrain my anger in the moment, i can usually say what i want to say without being mean, and that's the most effective way to handle things. but it's a challenge not to lose it:) a good starting point may be no swear words, for starters:)
Ya know, swearing just brings it down. I swear frequently but NEVER at someone. Counting to ten right away, a long with a deep breath or two, usually puts me in a better place. If I get mad, takes a while, it's a typhoon that blast through and over before you know it. I can't imagine someone who writes so beautifully could ever say mean things ;-). Count.
Depends on the day. Today was a somewhat crappy day. So I just had to let someone have it. But deservedly so.
Oh, Andie. I can really let it loose too and do! They might even get a good verbal whoopin' if they really deserved it. I was speaking to swearing and taking the low road in an argument. It makes me feel awful if I creep down there even if just a bit. Thanks for visiting.
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