Friday, March 23, 2012

For The First Time

By Carly Simon
Thought I would add a link to this song because it was in my mind when I wrote the post below.
I can tell by the way you’re looking at me and I’m scared…so scared. It's so obvious what’s on your mind right this very minute. It’s been on your mind for over a month.

Your words tell me that we’ll do this together; that it’ll be the perfect night and you’ll take care of everything. We should be the ones. You’ve even picked out a spot?


This is way too much pressure.

I love you; you know that. I want you to be happy with me and you tell me it won’t matter what I decide to do.  If we go through with this, what comes next?  

We are sooooo young! Don’t you think so too?

I mouth “thank you” when you tell me, in front of my friends, that I look pretty. You’ve never been one to hand out the compliments so readily. Thinking about my dress makes me all the more nervous.  Why did I choose white? I feel stupid and obvious.

How will I make it past this night because my mind is so occupied right now? My only choice is to go through the motions. You ask me to just smile and dance with you.

No, I’m not hungry or mad. I’m just thinking.

You do look so incredibly handsome and you’re being so nice. We usually fight at dances, at least the last three. I can smell your cologne; you always wear Polo because you say it makes me kiss you. 

Please don’t run down the list again. I know who have…Tim and Leslie, Maggie and Bill, Bee and Tembo. It’s driving me crazy. I feel like there’s a giant weight pressing down extremely hard on my heart and my head. I’m getting a headache when we’re supposed to be dancing and laughing and having the time of our lives. We graduate next week!

How about we wait until graduation night? Of course, I know what you’ll say. “We’re not going to feel like it then. We’ll be with all of our friends.” I’m desperately trying to postpone this, something. Aren’t we too young?

Thank you for taking my hand as we walk away from the group towards the parking lot. Where ARE we going? The park? I know what spot you’re talking about now. I can’t believe you put a blanket in your trunk.

My eyes are closely watching your every move as you snap out the blanket and lay it out.  I’m shaking as you approach me. My eyes automatically fill with tears as you hug me tighter than you ever have and whisper what I need to hear.

I feel like I’m slipping. 
Slipping down a steep slope that will change me forever.  
Genesis, 1978

Hope comes in a jar. It floats. We wrote about hope in our memoirs this week, now let’s take it in a different direction. According to Dante, the gates of hell are inscribed “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.”
Let that inscription lead, but not necessarily define, your piece for Friday’s link-up.
500 words or less.


  1. Beautiful. The pressure is horrible. Sometimes I wonder do boys really want it that badly/that much more or is it the expectation from peers, the outside pressure on them that leads them to be so "now" with it (not to say that some girls aren't "what's your deal for not trying yet".

    1. I don't know, Arnebya. Sometimes I think its a crazy, physical need for boys with all that raging stuff they have and then the whole now thing. I think girls are more affected by the peer pressure. I know for a fact they talk about it.

      I remember my "Senior Prom" so my antenni were on high alert when my daughter went with her boyfriend of over a year.

  2. i liked this a lot. your voice rang true. you sounded real. you had the energy of that stage of life and relationship. a lot of fun.

    1. Thanks, Ed.

      Nothing like mulling over a prompt during a good workout to flip the light switch. Didnt take long to channel my inner high schooler after that. Glad you heard that voice.

      I appreciate your positive support.


  3. Good stream of consciousness, tension was high for your character.

    1. I felt it too as I was writing it. I got a little nervous.

  4. All I kept thinking is: I always thought Warren Beatty was ugly. ~Mary

    1. LOL, Mary!!!

      Poor Carly, reeled in at a young age by old Warren.