So, I wrote the beginning of this story last week for Write On Edge. For Trifecta this week, I thought I'd give it another spin using the third definition of DEATH: capitalized: the destroyer of life represented usually as a skeleton with a scythe.
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They’d been virtual strangers before the bachelorette auction, then spent 34.5 hours together. In bed.
They talked between the other things. Hopes, dreams, likes, yucks, books and movies, stuff like that. He knew basic stats but no other personal details were exchanged.
The morning did get pretty hot and steamy when she surprised him in the shower. And she could get used to being pushed firmly against the front door and kissed hard as a morning goodbye. They almost seemed like a normal couple.
Alone...
She glanced in his bathroom mirror while brushing her teeth with his spare. Was there often need for a spare? She looked a wreck.
Thinking...
Whose mind is so calculating that they chose someone ahead of time; so completely sure of themselves?
It’d been easy grabbing the money he left on the table for her. She most certainly had plans flipping through racks of hideously expensive cocktail dresses; $1,000 should be plenty for her choice plus shoes. The saleswoman gushed, “Your man will be very pleased!”
"Uh, huh."
Wearing a curve-hugging classic black dress with cleavage slightly peeking, bare legs, and 5” stilettos, she patiently waited at his house, as he knew she would. So very presumptuous of him. They hadn’t even exchanged cell numbers.
Could he be a charming sociopath ala Ted Bundy? She doubted. Just wealthy.
A familiar feeling coursed through her as if someone else was occupying her. She knew who.
He thought she was sweet. Naïve and inexperienced. And that suited her just fine.
He had perfect muscles but how quick was he? She’d figure that out tonight. Stashing two ties between the mattresses as another surprise for him, which he’d think was a sexy game. And something sharp just in case.
She could take care of herself, out of necessity, because of how and with whom she’d grown up.
She could take care of herself, out of necessity, because of how and with whom she’d grown up.
And staying tomorrow, because she would, she knew what to do. She’d snoop!
It was her.
She was DEATH.
She was exactly like her mother.
She was exactly like her mother.
43 comments:
This is too good. And I was totally taken by surprise. What a great piece of work!
HA! Death as a female. Didn't see that coming, and it's a welcome addition to the Trifectans' entries. It's a sizzler, too - especially the ties secreted under the mattress, the kinky side. Dug this enormously! Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/10/09/psych-ward-visitor/
Draug October 8, 2012. 10:17pm:
Sorry, Draug. I accidentally deleted your comment:
(edited) An interesting take on the destroyer of *life bit. I liked it! :D
Oh, he's in for a big surprise. Nice write.
Thanks, lumdog! I'm glad to have surprise you. Watch out for those sneaky ladies!!!
I'm sure there are lots of gold digging women out there reeling in a rich guy. And I'm happy you didn't see that coming! She's clever, been around the block and knows exactly what she's doing, this one! I believe she was going to use the "kinky" to catch him off guard (just my guess!). Thanks so much for digging it! Absolutely loved your "Psych Ward"!!!
Yep! It would be his turn shortly unless she decided (and enjoyed) toying with him a bit longer to serve her purposes. Thanks.
Really, really big! Might start out fun and exciting but I'm afraid it doesn't end well for him. Thanks.
Ooh, nice turnaround. I got into the flow of this one enough to completely forget the prompt, and that is not where I was expecting it to go!
You set up the reveal perfectly. This is very well written.
Now that's talent to take one prompt and expand on it with another. I do have a window cracked in my little office space but the ending of this enhanced my goosebumps.
Well done, Gina! I know that in certain cultures, Death comes in the form of a woman but, so far in what I've managed to read, you are the only writer to employ Death that way. Never a bad idea to go against type. Thanks for posting your story; it's always nice to read well-written work.
Nice twist. I love the death is a woman concept.
i went back and read the first part ~ this was a surprise! love it!
♥
Death wearing 5" stilettos - I like it! Good job!
Perfect! I'm so happy you forgot the prompt and were lead down a different path. Thanks, Annabelle!
I appreciate your comments, Lance. It was fun to write as an evil woman.
I always knew I'd add to this story. I suppose there's still more there...
I love, LOVE goosebumps so I'm happy to help in that regard ;-)
Not too many women serial killers (if that was her gig!). I like twisting it up. Thx, Bo!
I'm so happy you read Part One. And it was a surprise that I was thinking the whole time while penning the beginning. Thanks for your comment!
Don't mess with anyone in 5" stilettos. Fair warning! Thanks for liking, Jeanna!
She's a femme fatale, that's for sure - dangerous, dangerous. Someone's about to be taken off guard
She is dangerous. And he's about to be caught completely off guard in his own bed. But.....maybe he's smarter, more clever than she's giving him credit. Hmmmm.....
Wow, Gina this is great. You build the tension expertly. The ending took me by surprise, I couldn't figure out where you were going but I wanted to know! Well done. I loved the "just wealthy" presumption. Good work.
Thanks soooo much, Tom! I'm thrilled you liked it. I was going for "different" so it's nice to hear it worked and is appreciated.
She needed to test him...see how clever he was, strong, quick, and just how wealthy before she finalized her plans. Maybe he'll fool her. Thanks, Stephanie!
But of COURSE Death is a woman :)
And what about her mother? I loved the ties under the mattress, great touch. But for me, Mom is the most intriguing thing. Great jobs!
Wonder if maybe Death might get a surprise or two? After all, this guy chose her for a reason, right? He may have something in mind...
Wow! Fantastic twist in the end here, Gina. This flowed well. Great job!
Why not, right?
I love the ties, too! Maybe she learned what she knows about men from dear mommy?
BINGO! I believe she's going to have her hands full with him! Should be an interesting evening!!!
Well thanks, Mel! Might play out differently than both expect. Hope so!
Just like her mother. Yikes!! I love it. I think I'm digging Death as a female!
And I'm happy I got my sweet side from mine!
I dig it, too!
An excellent move from the last post - from potential victim to potential maker-of-victim. Nice!
Thanks, Barbara! I know you read the first one! Let's see who gets whom when he gets home tonight...
I like the way Death feels fierce in this piece.
She is! She's strong, dressed to kill, smart but with an evil streak, I'm afraid.
i was definitely not expecting that! nice story :)
Thanks! I like surprises.
Thanks, Flippa! It was and she is but I think they both are and have their hands full.
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