A bench in a park is not always just a bench in a park.
I'm looking at this bench from my front porch. It's 32 degrees this morning; a bone chilling, damp kind of day which means if the temperature drops it would probably snow and it's windy. It's a little more blustery in the park because the wind picks up its pace as it blows across the field, over the pond and past the bench. The day is gray and the park doesn't look inviting to me at all.
If you really squint you can see shades of red beyond the pond and through the trees. That was my kids' middle school. If you could look hard right, you'd be able to see the grade school. This is the park where kindergarden soccer, little league and Pop Warner football takes place. The community holds a fishing tournament in that pond on Father's Day where many a large mouth bass has been caught. The sled hill is a hundred yards to the left just beyond the playground. I'm surprised there wasn't someone walking their dog down the side walk just as I was snapping this picture.
Saturday was our town's monthly night for P.A.D.S. (Public Action to Deliver Shelter) at the church one block from the park and kiddie corner from the grade school. How did I know this? From the bench.
Coming home from breakfast yesterday (Sunday), we noticed someone sitting on the bench completely cocooned by a giant coat, hood pulled over the face; the entire bench and surrounding area scattered with belongings always within view. We know exactly this person's plight and where they spent the night before because we've volunteered at P.A.D.S. We surmise its a woman because she's tiny but we won't ever really know.
There's a church within the county that provides a guaranteed hot meal and a warm bag on a floor in a basement each and every night from October through April (Housing Calendar). During the day, the homeless wander away with every last stitch they own, carrying everything out of one town until arriving at a different church, in a different town. They come to our town once a month and always on a Saturday.
I've looked at the calendar and the shelter for Sunday night is 15 miles away! How will she do this? She doesn't have a shopping cart or wagon to transport her things. She's already made her decision because, while I'm inside my house sipping beer, eating wings and watching the Super Bowl, she's still on the bench and remains there until the morning when I see her on my way home from the coffee shop. It's not a safety issue for her in relation to violence; she won't be bothered and, in fact, the police will check on her but how will she survive the cold? I had no idea she would spend last night outside.
I'm a little choked up as I stroke these keys.
I should have done SOMETHING.
I didn't do enough.
I feel like I took one step forward with compassion and empathy and two steps back due to lack of action.
I'm a little choked up as I stroke these keys.
I should have done SOMETHING.
I didn't do enough.
I feel like I took one step forward with compassion and empathy and two steps back due to lack of action.
Yesterday, and even this morning, the photo would have looked much differently. It was taken today, when empty, out of respect for the last occupant of the bench and my desire to provide her a small amount of privacy.
17 comments:
Gina, I think this resonates with me so much because this past weekend I didn't act when I should have. It's an awful feeling, something we will likely think about constantly, wondering what could have happened had we done something, said something. I think sometimes, at least for me, we get caught up in "Oh, the police will check" or "Oh, it's not really my place", or "Oh, what can I really do?". Saying let's try to do better the next time we see someone in need seems just so...lame.
Arnebya, You are right! I feel lame. This continues to be on my mind especially as the temp drops. I think about her/him because that bench is constantly in my face reminding me of what I didn't do. I have a plan...this person, or someone will be back and it's every three Saturdays so that's 2.5 weeks from now. Let's make a pact...Next time we both do something whether its a smile, a kind word or action. What do you think?
Gina
Awww that was a beautiful post. I skimmed it first because I thought you were getting ready to say someone bought the property to build something 'commercial' on it. As if that wasn't bad enough, the bench occupant tugged my heart even more. I'm going to do better too.
Kenya,
You have no idea how this bench has haunted me these last few days.
We can all do better...it just takes an unexpected smile, a word or two, or possibly something more.
Service has always been important to me; Sunday and Monday, I felt short of my own expectations. It won't happen again.
Thanks for being here!
Gina
That's such a tough one. I wouldn't know what to do in that situation, and I wouldn't have expected her to spend the night there either. But would she have accepted help? Or would she have been offended? It's sad that those are the things I wonder about, but it's not at all an easy situation.
Thanks so much for linking this up with us on Just.Be.Enough. This is a topic we don't talk enough about.
Hi Robin,
Thanks for coming by. It was truly sad. I have a little experience approaching the homeless. She may or may not have accepted anything but I would have left a blanket or extra coat on the bench for her and she could do with it what she wanted. She would have talked with me though. There's always another chance to do the right thing, isn't there?
Gina
I don't know a person in my life who hasn't had these feelings. It forces one to ask what to do when this is repeated. And there will be a next time. What am I willing to do? The gesture doesn't have to be magnanimous, but there is always something we can do.
It's not easy. I tried to give away shoes to the homeless by leaving a bag of them in their park. They weren't touched. These were street shoes and sandals. After five days, I removed the bag and took the shoes to a thrift shop.
I've been there. I knit scarves. It's the only thing I can knit well. I've been known to hand out scarves to unfortunates when it gets cold. I buy blankets when they're on sale and I'll distribute those to. Sometimes, it's all we can do. Not everyone seeks wants the help they need, and even fewer actually seek it.
Great post. Great reminder that I need to get that sack of donations sitting next to the door to the local shelter.
Oh I need to edit better. "Not everyone wants the help they need and even fewer actually seek it."
Oh god this just breaks my heart. My grandmother was booted from her home because her philandering, gambling, drunk of a husband wasn't paying the bills. He ran away with another woman, and left my grandmother, an immigrant, alone with no money and 5 children and the housing authority just threw all their belongings on the street and booted them out. The neighbors ransacked all their belongings. Child services put all the children in orphanages, and that is how my mother grew up.
As for my grandmother? She was suddenly out on the street, her children were removed, her husband had betrayed her, she was completely alone in a foreign country, and couldn't believe what was happening. The nuns would not let her visit her children.
She had no money and nowhere to go. She tried to sleep in churches but the priests threw her out. Out. Out onto the snow and she slept the winter on park benches and I do not know how she didn't die. Her children grew up in orphanages, crying every night because they knew their mother was sleeping in the snow. And that their mother, my grandmother, hadn't done a thing wrong ... she had just loved and trusted the wrong man.
So, understandably, she had an emotional collapse and they hospitalized her until she died.
This story has affected her life, my mother's life, and because of it, my life. In -very- sad and damaging ways.
Sleeping on park benches is not okay. These are human beings. A bag on a basement floor is better but is still not enough.
It is not okay. We are all responsible for each other whether we like it or not.
Also my frustration isn't at all directed at you and I definitely care what you write :)
Amy,
This is how I feel but still...I still need to find my way into this. It's definitely on my mind and there is always a next time...two weeks.
I've had the same thing happen; leaving something that wasn't taken. Let's keep trying!
Gina
Shelton,
I have found the same thing. Not everyone will except the help but we shouldn't stop trying.
I'm not great at knitting but I do with a group of moms at a shelter...they're better at it!
Thanks for visiting,
Gina
Posh Posh,
This story devastates me! Your Grandmother deserved so much better and she beared an awful burden. I am so sorry for that.
I agree with you 100%, we ARE responsible for each other.
Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story here.
Gina
I know.
My blog name is to motivate me to write things I care about but thank YOU for caring what I write and reading this.
Gina
I can understand the way you feel. I can imagine myself doing the same thing, too, spending so much time paralyzed with uncertainty that amounts to indecision that the moment for action has passed. But allow yourself some peace and know that you can do something the next time, knowing that this time has made you really think.
You're right. I need to cut myself some slack for the time being. I'm usually a very decisive person so this hesitation and lack of action caught me by surprise.
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