Monday, November 4, 2013

Bikram Is For Bitches


Tell me I’m not alone because you’re a raving bitch sometimes, too. Please.

I will go on record and admit that yesterday I was in the bitchiest mood I can remember in a very long time. Just like the BNSF trains barreling down the tracks at the end of my street, it was virtually unstoppable with no crossing gates (I can do bitch well when I set my mind to it).

There are reasons why, of course. Hint: It wasn’t my inability to sleep past 6:30am even given the “fall back” promise of an extra hour of sleep or the expired milk I poured in my cereal that I didn’t realize until too late. Takes more.

Before getting out of bed today, I, to my surprise, discovered my inner bitch hadn't left the building! Yikes! And the only way I could think to kick her ass was Bikram. Bikram would wring out every existing ounce of that bitch. Bikram never lets me down.

It’s just you and nothing but you, standing in one spot frozen like a statue with no place to go for help or excuse or scapegoat except inward. -Bikram Choudhury

Not me but my Bikram studio
Bikramburrridge.com
I unrolled my mat in the rear of the 105-degree room and promptly got into savasana (dead man’s pose) while waiting peacefully prone for class to start. I felt relaxed down to my bones. Deep breathes.

<Clap, Clap> “Everyone up. Center of your mat.”

I obeyed like a good and obedient yogi turning to find my eyes in the mirror. Instead, I caught a glimpse of pink just to my left. Directly in my peripheral line of sight was one of the most competitive, bitter, judgmental people I have known in my life.

I thought, “This is just a test. A huge mental game.”

More deep breathes. 

Focus.

I spent the entire 90 minutes in a horribly hot room trying not think how annoyed I was with her in front of me. It took every ounce of English bulldog determination to tune her tiny ass out (yes, she’s an over-exerciser and not very flexible…). 

And the second our instructor uttered “Namaste”, I sprinted for the door so I didn’t have to talk to her because listening to her (voice even) is enough to ruin anyone’s day. Not exactly the Zen experience I expected today.

So did Bikram actually do the trick? Am I more peaceful and less bitchy than I was 24-hours ago or this morning? I’m probably not the best judge of that but I think so. Update to follow after 5:00pm when hubby weighs in with his opinion.

Nothing can steal happiness, peace away from you: if anyone does make you angry, you are the loser; if someone can allow you to lose peace, you are the loser. -Bikram Choudhury

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Thanks to Linda Roy over at elleroy was here, I get to hang out with lots of other people who don't like Monday's either. And stop over at Yeah Write where they are hosting a Blogher NaBloPoMo  grid for all of us who'll be writing every day this month.
I Don't Like Mondays Blog Hop

18 comments:

  1. Blech, I hate those days. I'm not having a bitchy day today, but I'm having a day where I am so exhausted I'm contemplating laying down on my office floor because it just takes to damn much energy to hold my head up.

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    1. That stinks! Exhausted + Work is hard. There was this office where I worked many moons ago. It was an overflow office where tons of unused furniture and file boxes were stored. And in the way back there was a couch. It was so hidden no one knew that anyone (on occasion) took naps in that office. Ahem...

      Hope you get some rest! Oh, you had a wedding weekend. That's why!!!!

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  2. Glad it helped, glad you snuck outta there before talking to skinny butt. I need to do yoga but not hot yoga. Those temps would probably make me puke

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    1. It helped in many ways. Physical exertion always changes my mood in a positive way and helped me practice extreme concentration while being extremely distracted by an extremely annoying person. Right now? I feel fantastic.

      I felt nauseated because I hadn't done it in a while. It's not for everyone.

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  3. I am terrified I couldn't last through one of those hot yoga classes. One day I'm going get up my nerve and try it. No. Maybe I won't. I'm a scaredy cat.

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    1. Some are harder than others. Some are hotter than others. Bikram is probably the hottest. You should try it. Nothing beats the feeling after you are finished. If you don't want to sweat buckets like I do, then re-think. Don't be scared!

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  4. I have not seen this side of you. I quite like it.

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    1. I'm like this more often than I let on. I've been told by friends I'm funny when I'm bitchy. Hubby thinks so too when he's not the bull's eye. Thank you very much.

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  5. I have been thinking about Bikram Yoga. Checked out a studio last year and found I was the only man there. Don't often care about that but got looks from what felt like a half dozen sweaty, angry women and decided that if I was going to be glared at I wanted to earn it first so I left.

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    1. Anytime of the day, I have always had at least two men in the class. With bikram, there is no time or energy to worry about a guy or anyone else except if it's an annoying bitch that bugs the crap out of you, then someone might notice. I don't find anyone angry there but very absorbed in their own thing. Give it a try. No one will glare once the class starts. Promise.

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  6. I don't do 105...sitting! Our gone-gym (nearest w/in 45 min, has shut down so now I am flabby) had regular yoga on the 3rd floor w/o ac. It was 80,85 and I thought I might die.

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    1. I love to sweat. It feels good to be in that heat but your heart pounds!

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  7. I've always wanted to do Bikram, but I feel like it was actually make me more tense because I hate heat haha

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    1. Then vinyasa flow or hatha. Skip the hot?

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  8. I need to get something happening for my inner bitch. Maybe this is the way to go. Gonna drag my inner bitch to the gym!

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    1. I've been hitting the gym hard. Well since yesterday. I had a long lazy period that ran from end if September to, essentially, yesterday. The binging slacker girl is outta here!

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  9. Eek!! Glad you have a release when in this sort of a mood. I have not tried Bikram - I've never taken a yoga class and would fear that I would look totally out of place, and I don't like heat. But for some reason, the class appeals to me.

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    1. Take a yoga class just not hot (or bikram) yoga. Put your mat towards the front but off to the side so you can always turn your head to see the instructor. A good one can walk you through the positions with verbal cues only. However, never hurts to be next to someone who knows what they're doing (or pretends to know).

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