Thursday, September 13, 2012

Where Babies Come From...

Being a mom for a while now, almost 22 years, I have more than a few instances where my child and I both lost something youthful and childlike. Me...just from a different angle. I know you'll get this…
So two definite standouts stories are when the wheels fell off the whole Santa, Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy gigs all at the same time, in one fell swoop. Boy, did I feel rotten that day.

The other is the day I was forced to explain how babies were made to my oldest, who was/is a very sharp cookie.

I think I'll tell you "the birds and the bees" one. I’m not so sure I did a very good job so please don’t judge me. I was caught off guard with very little time to formulate a plan.


Just saying it helps. And it goes for Daddies, too, because you get to do it with your boys (at least that’s how it worked in this household).

Each year, the kids in our schools spend some time at the Robert Crown Center, which is nationally recognized for teaching kids K – 8th grade about healthy eating, puberty, human reproduction, tobacco, and alcohol and drug abuse prevention through science-based programs.

They do a fine job explaining things over there and we, parents, are quite happy for their support with all those tricked up things I mentioned above especially, you guessed it, human reproduction!

So in fifth grade, all the boys and girls go with a parent to an after school program to begin touching upon the topic of reproduction (in fourth grade, they learned a little about puberty and this was the add on piece to that).

The first half went swimmingly with both the boys and girls together. They each learned a bit of anatomy related to themselves and the opposite gender. Very nicely and scientifically presented, I thought.

Then the genders split up for the “big” stuff.

It was right about this time that my daughter began complaining of a headache. Go figure.

“Sweetheart, hang in there. It’s almost finished then we can go.”

“Mom, I DON’T FEEL GOOD!” she whispered loudly. I’m diagnosing it as sensory overload but I'm not a doctor.

“Okay, then. Let’s go.” And I motioned to my friend, Susie, with my hand waving perpendicularly to my throat, mouthing “We’re outta here.”

Amanda was sleeping on the couch practically before the car was in park. She'd have just enough time to nap it off before her evening gymnastics.

That’s when I got the call from Susie who said, 

“Just so you know, Natasha asked to know exactly how the egg reaches the sperm for fertilization. The instructor felt as if she had to answer the question. So all the girls in the fifth grade, except Amanda, know exactly how a female egg is fertilized. Catch my drift?”

I might have said, “Oh, F-bomb. Figures Natasha!” I can’t remember.

So I will net out the conversation that took place in the car to gymnastics between my daughter and me. She was in the back seat and I was conversing with her through the rearview mirror.

Me: “Sweetheart, I understand at Robert Crown that Natasha asked a question and the answer was provided to the group and I feel you should have the answer, too. It’s pretty grown up information but I know you can handle it.”

Her: “Okkkkk?”

Me: “Well, you know that boys have a penis, right? And girls have the area where their periods come from (I just couldn’t say the “V” word). Men provide the sperm and women provide the egg in order for a baby to begin inside a woman. You with me.”

Her: “Yeeeeees?”

Me, blurting out rather quickly: “Well, when two married people like your daddy and mommy love each other so much and want to have a baby, they share a special hug where the man’s penis and the woman’s period area connect on the inside......of the woman. That’s how the sperm reaches the egg!”

Thinking I’d done a pretty good job with little collateral damage, I glanced in the mirror. I could actually see her thinking for a minute.

But then her face began to change, and kind of screw up. I got nervous.

She sort of shivered, winced and shouted:


Me: “Sweetheart, it’s really no big deal. Thought you should know. Do you have any questions?”


She ran out of the car to gymnastics and never brought it up again… Thankfully. Until we had to go to Robert Crown... the next time.

Things changed a little for us going forward.

But I think I did pretty well on the fly. Don’t you?


4.) Describe a moment where you or your child lost a part of childhood (realizing Santa isn’t real, etc.)

Mama’s Losin’ It


  1. argh!!!!! my 6 yr old asked the question the other night: where do babies come from?

    I kinda freaked, but then thought I could buy some time with this answer: "From God."

    He smiled and seemed really happy with that answer. Maybe I can avoid "the talk" for another 4 years???????


    1. That is the perfect answer for a 6 year old! You done good!

      I hope you can avoid it for four more years. Depends on the kids in his class. That's usually how info gets Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy AND where babies come from!!!

  2. Hahahahaha!! "Special hug"........I seriously spit my vodka out as I was reading! That's a good one! My girls are still young....when that time comes, I suppose I will just show them another Flo Rida video!

    By the way, I LOVE the name of your blog.

    1. Man, that Flo Rida post you wrote was hysterical but I wouldn't leave it to him unless you want them to learn to whistle better. "Special hug" was a mediocre explanation but all I could think of on the spot!

      Thanks for liking the name. It keeps me thinking about writing what I like for me and engaging other people in my writing. Thanks for visiting.

  3. That went about as well as my trying to explain to my daughter about periods. Which took place in the car as we were set to drop off clothes at Good Will. Same response. She couldn't change the subject fast enough. Thanks for the laught.

    1. Lots of great and important discussions are held through the rearview mirror! Just wait until she gets it then the whole explanation through the bathroom door about what to do about it. Now that's fun, too! Thanks for liking!

  4. You did a great job! And yes, I will plan for that talk, because in Texas, they only teach abstinence. We all know how well that works!

    1. Yes we do. And if your house is anything like my house, there was a lot of daddy/mommy prep time before daddy tackled the birds and the bees with Matt. I've written about how well that went. Abstinence, while ideal, might not necessarily be reality for some.

  5. I'm sorry, but I laughed out loud at this (my dog is looking at me funny). This is great! I have 2 boys, so I have my talk all planned out. Ready? Here it is: "Go ask your Dad." Pretty good, huh?

    I've gotten some puberty questions from my ten-year-old and I think I did okay with very little stammering (thank goodness I was occupied drying and stacking cups!)

    1. Janna! I love YOUR talk. Kinda like mine with regard to Matt. He's all yours, Dad!

      Always good to have a diversion while speaking on such topics. Makes it look casual and nonchalant even though your insides are all cringy and nervous.

  6. Years ago someone got my kids a book about how babies are made. It is sort of Dr. Ruth meets a cartoon version of Jack and Jill.

    It gives the details in an age appropriate way. My daughter read the book with her mom when she was around six or so.

    It followed a discussion in school where one of the other girls in her class explained how babies were made with enough detail to make it clear she knew something, but it wasn't quite right.

    Anyhoo, since the horse was already out of the barn the girls had their talk and I thought that was that.

    A few days later I found out I was wrong. My little girl asked me if she could ask a question and I said sure.

    She told me that she knew that boys stuck their penis inside a girl to make a baby, but she didn't know how far it had to go.

    I don't think I totally panicked but it was one of those times where I said, "mom needs to answer that one."

    That was a bit awkward for me. She wasn't happy that I didn't answer, but I played it off by saying that mom knew better on that one.


    1. Oh, Jack. OH. I am laughing so very hard right now. Gina had me already but damn that just sent me over the edge (as I recall hearing many a high school friend say they just let their boyfriends "put the tip in" AND NOW I'M 16 ALL OVER AGAIN!).

      My girls are 11 and 9 and although the oldest already has her period, we haven't talked out the full "this is what happens" yet. Last night at back to school night, though, the health teacher informed us that the kids will have a 2-week discussion with a doctor who will visit daily to discuss healthy eating, risky behavior, reproduction, anatomy, blah blah blah let me tell her all about penises before they can.

    2. Jack,
      We had a book like that. They wanted no part of it but I thought it was a fantastic way to get the ball rolling.

      They learn everything from their peers. Then we have to straighten out the whole mess! So much false info that I wondered what in the world Katie's parents were telling her!

      Well, I think you did it right with your girl. It's definitely easier to handle matters like this from a same gender standpoint. I know the age of your kids so I am safe in saying that you have a whole lot more coming your way, pal! Good luck with that. It's a tricky line!

    3. Arnebya!!!! You are cracking me up because I remember being aghast when I heard a girl at school allowed that to happen and she swore it wasn't doing the deed! COME ON!!! Kind of like the whole Bill Clinton thing...

      They teach a lot in middle school health which helps us out tremendously from a scientific/anatomical standpoint. It makes it come off so objective! But, yeah, handle the penis talk yourself because she might ask, "Mom, why didn't you ever tell me this?" That was easier for me because my daughter had a little brother who flashed his anatomy when he was a toddler. She saw the difference between him and her from early on!!!

  7. Gina, I really enjoyed this post and the comments too! Even though I have three grown kids, this is all foreign to me because I got a "free pass" from my ex-wife; she is an OBGYN. With her med school and residency training, she felt it was her moral and ethical duty to take on this responsibility! As I was reading all this stuff and cringing, I thought, wow, I dodged a big bullet. Great write!

    1. Thanks! Surely you had to talk about all the guy stuff like respect and responsibility and all the ancillary things that go with "the deed".

  8. We have two sons and I totally plan on "passing the buck" to the hubby. I've also already started repeating the mantra "the lotion on their night stand is just for dry skin" in preparation for the teen years.

    1. Oh boy, NatteringNic. You're cracking me up! I know all about the lotion on the night stand! He's 19 and senior year was all that...

      Give daddy a pep talk before "his" talk. Sometimes they need a little boost.