Sometimes
the absence of conversation is what you need. What you want.
“We”
needed to be together and we had the time.
True. I was avoiding work, other things, but really, it was about "our" sweet friend needing us.
We
live close, only 12 feet apart in some Chicago suburbs.
And Elizabeth, living next door, lost
her son his first semester at college with no explanation or understandable
reason. It just couldn’t be rationalized.
We
offered ourselves to her.
The
day after his services, we started one thing that lead to another.
On 11/23/2009, we started walking in a favorite forest preserve. It offered
privacy.
We
walked and listened. Monday-Friday. Every day. Rain or shine. We
even bought “Yaktrax” for the ice and snow (sometimes 14+” deep).
We
saw every season change. Amazing!
On 12/07/2009, we started playing.
Knocking
on her front door, breaking silence, I asked Elizabeth if she was still
interested. We’d always talked about learning to play Bridge. "I found a
patient teacher!" A friend. “Getting the four of us to play is not a chore.”
Bridge
is a game that takes years to master. It’s true. That didn’t matter.
We
play once a week for as long as it takes.
We
played this morning.
As
much as we talk and listen while walking, "our Bridge" is about
laughing at the game and how four bright people still don’t always “get” it.
We talk about crappy cards, “2 Club” bids and who's in the lucky seat.
After
2.845 years, we still aren’t clear what we’re doing. We concentrate, re-hash and talk
about what we coulda/shoulda/woulda...about Bridge!
And
when our husbands come home and we’re still sitting at the kitchen table playing,
they’ll ask “So what’d you talk about?”
The
answer is always, “Nothing much.”
Because
it’s nice NOT to talk about my memory issues, or someone's radiation treatments, M’s mom, or Elizabeth’s life that will never be the same.
We’re
okay with just playing Bridge.
25 comments:
I don't play bridge, but I can relate to the 'nothing much' answer to hubby's question. Much of the time it's mindless stuff that wouldn't be worth repeating if I could remember what we talked about, anyway!
touching story. nice voice and flow and really able to see the characters :-)
You were living in the moment rather than reflecting on what has happened or might happen. And that's when you're most alive.
This is a lovely story about friends taking care of each other. I love the calm, even pace that you bring to your stories. Very nice.
This is a really good story :D I love the idea of two people looking out for each other, not really caring what they are doing as long as they distract themselves from their memories :D
Those times are so much more important than the content of the conversations suggest; you captured it well.
I love playing card games and I can really relate to playing for years and sometimes not knowing the game. You've done a fantastic job of representing what true friendship is.
I tell him it's kind of like his golf game with the guys. He always says they don't talk about anything but the game and I actually believe that (knowing him, golf and his friends). And it's EXACTLY as you said...mindless stuff not worth repeating especially since it wasn't important enough to remember. Occasionally, there is a morsel that won't get repeated based on strict confidentiality agreements ;-)
Thank, uneven steven! Great woman and friend.
I absolutely agree. It is about the moment and the reflecting, while we do it on occasion, is not where we want to be. Making her laugh, which is easy to do, makes me feel alive and happy!
We have to take care of each other. Thanks for the positive comments, as always!
It never matters what we are doing. We could be watering the lawn while talking or swinging on the porch or having a nice long walk. Often, we're silent.
It's about the four of us getting together and sitting with each other. Nothing important is said. We're just present. Thanks, Annabelle.
Bridge is a tough one. It's about communicating with your partner and what you say is not necessarily what you mean (or have in your hand) and they must figure it out and respond. We mess up all the time and laugh, "What did you really mean?" Thanks, Jeanna. These are true friends of mine on which I can count and have.
This is such a great story. Makes me want to play bridge again. It's so true, sometimes the best healing happens when you're not talking about it.
xo Mary Jo
You captured it really well.
Thanks so much Mary Jo! I love playing and you should. If you lived around here I would invite you! Just being with special people is healing. And feeling just as comfortable talking, if you want, or not, if you don't. That's how Bridge is for us.
Thank you!
silence can be golden
and, as it is with my family, a good card game can bring people together
Gina this was just great. You said so much without actually saying it -- even in the piece. Perfect!
I agree Renada. I LOVE friends with whom you can have a comfortable silence, maybe read together quietly?
I come from a card playing family as does my husband so we know a million card games to play and our kids have taught us theirs as well. It's not often that a deck of cards doesn't appear when we are together. At Thanksgiving, our house, poker is the traditional game and a college kid usually wins (imagine that!)
Thanks so much for the lovely compliment, Linda! I was trying for that because much of the personal information here is sensitive and sad.
It is so nice to have friends that understand everything that you don't say, or who know you well enough to read your 'Bridge' talk. I love how you showed the intensity of your relationship with these women through action instead of speech. Brilliant!
In many ways and as the saying goes, "Actions speak louder than words." Thanks for your constant support, Tina.
This is beautiful. I love that you put yourself out there for a friend in need, and I love that you've found an activity you can do while tending to the real task of taking care of one another. Lovely.
Post a Comment