Friday, April 5, 2013

Trifextra: The Fine Art of "Hearing"


I have not written one morsel in almost two weeks. It has felt fantastically freeing. And has allowed me to pursue my passion for reading. Voraciously!!!

This weekend’s Trifextra challenge is to give advice in precisely 33 words. If you know me, you then know I don’t dispense of it often unless seriously asked repeatedly. Unless you are my kids, then you tire of it quickly.

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Look someone exactly in the eye and "hear" them. 

Concentrate. 

I mean really hang on their words. 

Meaningfully. 

Let them feel they are the only one that matters in that moment. 

To you. 


66 comments:

  1. I know I always try to meet someone's eyes and show I'm paying attention, even if it freaks them out a little. Actually, that's probably the best reason (:<

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    1. It's kind of fun to see someone squirm when you are paying that close of attention to them. Now if someone is boring or full of themselves (and I don't politely excuse myself), I have a professional way of gazing that still looks like I am raptured by their words when I'm probably making a mental grocery list!

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  2. Listening and really caring are so important. Something everyone probably wants, but few are willing or able to give.

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    1. That's my point exactly, dunce two. Listening and paying attention to someone you care about show them that you do care and that they are important to you. I don't always give it but I am willing and able and I always try.

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  3. OMG, I started to cry. No really. Esp these days when mothering and wifing (is that a word?) means that I feel like "No one is listening to me!"

    and in this world of tweeting and FBing and blogging, we read so fast, we talk too fast..we are forced to interrupt and explain quickly ....it's unsettling for a big heart like mine.

    I promise to always look people in the eye (unless they are creepy) and really LISTEN.

    LOVED LOVED this Gina. XO

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    1. Mothering and wifing (it is to ME) are two of the most difficult things to do well, in my opinion. But to feel heard and acknowledged by those you love and care about is priceless and oh, so important.

      I am tempted to get out of social media altogether for this reason but I know I won't. You and me, my friend, have the same kind of tender hearts. It hurts sometimes.

      Creeps are an entirely different story. DO NOT ENGAGE!

      XOXOXOX

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  4. I'd certainly do that if I gave a damn ;)

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    1. Well then, you got my point. It's about people you care for and making them feel/know they are important to you. I'm not talking about some stranger off the street but I'm nice to cashiers too.

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  5. This is so on target. So many people don't get this. Missed you around these parts!

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    1. Lumdog, you always seem to "get" me. Thanks for missing me. May go missing again. It's really fun!

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  6. Ahh, good ole' eye contact. Yes, a lost art. More people should practice it, yes? :)

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    1. Eye contact, listening, paying attention, "hearing" all go together. It's not as easy to do (or sometimes not as fun) as daydreaming but important.

      Dude! Where you been???????

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  7. Excellent advice. When I was a kid, I was told to always look someone in the eye when I speak with them. It was good advice then, and even better now.

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    1. It's something we taught our kids as well. Shake someone's hand and look them in the eye (to see a six year old boy do that is soooo cute). Engage people. Without connection, real connection, to other people this world would mean nothing.

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  8. listening, its amazing what you can hear. Good advice.

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    1. And if you really pay attention, you can really "hear".

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  9. Great advice! I'm afraid we're losing the art of interaction. (I had to chuckle at Draug's and Kir's comments, too :))

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    1. Thanks! I'd like to blame social media, computers and texting. But we all have a choice to connect with someone or not. We all have a choice to listen or not. Sometimes we choose not to hear; other times we are just being lazy communicators.

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  10. She's back!! You were missed. Whatcha reading??

    This is great advice. I always try to do this with my kids. I can't promise the same for everyone else, but I figure if I get those two right, I'm at least holding up some of my responsibilities. :-)

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    1. All kinds of fun things...Truth in Advertising, The End if the Affair, The Dinner, Where'd You Go, Bernadette, Me Before You to name a few. Today, A Sport and a Pastime which I think you would like (its downright sassy, racy).

      I try in general with most people I come in contact with but I really mean with those most important to me. They deserve it, my full attention just as much as I love having theirs. It has been a very important and sometimes difficult to teach our kids. You work on it daily. It makes me glow inside when someone compliments their engaging natures.

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  11. What did you read? I've been "off" too for Spring Break - a little traveling with the family. Two nights in a hotel where the wifi wasn't free. So I was forced to not write. Though I could have put something in a word document, I just closed my laptop and watched crap on tv ;-)

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    1. In the last few weeks...5 books. See above. I just visited your blog!

      Hope you had a nice trip. Sometimes you just need to veg out and watch mindless crap on TV. I do it too on occasion.

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  12. Active listening is hard for most people. Looking the other person in the eye is important, letting them "spill their cup." This is very good advice, and the last two words rounded it out nicely. Thanks, Amy

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    1. Thanks for your kind words, Amy. Active listening is a fantastic way to say it and it IS hard to do. Even when your trying especially if you're a daydreamer like me. I try to focus. Looking people in the eye, while easy for me due to much practice, is also hard for many.

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  13. Looking into the eyes can be a little creepy but I try as much as possible to do so, engaging is so important. Some turn away because they cannot tolerate it. Of course there are some conversations that you have to try and stifle a yawn :-)

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    1. Looking people in the eye takes practice. It becomes a habit after a while. Engaging people especially those you care about is uber important. Now as for boring people, I "uh, huh" a lot and hope I'm paying attention when they ask me a question. Then again, boring people are usually boring because they are talking about themselves.

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  14. great advice but i missed the middle part - I was daydreaming.

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    1. Don't worry, Sam. You didn't miss anything important ;-)

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  15. This is great advice Gina! Such important little things we can do to show people that we care and value them. Well said!

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  16. This is amazing. How many times have I half-listened to people as I silently sit there staring off into space thinking about how I need to better organize my space, or how I haven't applied nail polish in a long time. You know, thinking about stupid silly things when what matters most is the fact I have a person in front of me sharing something, even if it is as silly as how he/she needs to organize their space or needs to re-apply a coat of nail polish!

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    1. I'm guilty of it too. It's always about the next thing we're doing instead if the present moment. It's what I'm working on myself. I'm always thinking about my nails ;-)

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  17. These words are so apt :) I loved this one

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    1. You are so sweet. Thank you, Ruby!

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  18. Eye contact is important, but some people just can't do it. Too intense I suppose.

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    1. I agree and there's definitely an intensity to it. And some people are uncomfortable. I can generally win a stare down too.

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    2. Ok Blondie, you are on.

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    3. You would be tough comp, me thinks!

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  19. Love hanging onto words. You or me. Yours or mine.

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  20. Very apt in out world of multitasking, sound bites etc. (RogRites).

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  21. Brilliant advice. Listening is a dying art. Well done!

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  22. I love eye contact - connections :)

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  23. I'm good at listening in the short term, but in the long term, I am terrible at it. It's a skill I constantly have to work at.

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    1. Same. Unfortunately, I'm easily bored (or annoyed) so my mind is always thinking "Can you net this out for me?" While my mouth is saying "Uh huh. Sure. I get it." I work at it every day.

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    1. Thanks, my friend. It's temporary.

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  25. Oh,I can not agree with you more Gina!I firmly believe in looking people in the eye while I converse with them & a definite yes to it while I listen.In fact,I distrust those who do not look me in the eye-shifty eyed-my Mom used to say that there is something wrong with such folks & I have found it to be true!So well written & great to have you back:-)

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    1. The eyes allow you to "see" more, to read a person better. I understand the shifty thoughts. It's interesting to see it happen, when a person avoids your eyes. It makes some people very uncomfortable. I only have trouble when I find someone extremely attractive (a man) then I still look them in the eye but inside I'm squirming.

      I always enjoy your comments, Atreyee!

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  26. You really came back strong Gina

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    1. Thanks for the double comment, Sam! I feel special. Oh, or maybe you just forgot. Very kind thing to say; I appreciate it!

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  27. I missed your writing! I constantly have to work on really listening when I am talking to someone. I have a terrible habit of asking a question, and forgetting to listen to the answer.

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    1. Awwww! Thanks, Sam. I work on it too. Have to.

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  28. What have your been reading??? I need suggestions. I love the thought of locking into someone's conversation. Very intimate. Glad you had fun and that you're back.

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    1. The Dinner, Where'd You Go, Bernadette, Me Before You, The End of the Affair (an oldie), Truth in Advertising AND a very spicy book which I just finished today called A Sport and a Pastime (another oldie).

      I love intimate conversations. I don't think I'm back though. Too much going on in my life to sit down and write a lot. I'm trying though. We'll see but I glad you're glad to visit me!

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  29. I totally love this site! All of your posts make me smile! You had a great example this is apply to manifesting a relationship /marriage/anything intangible?
    Thanks for the post, Kyra, and best of luck with Strength Carrie -- I've been hearing great things about it.
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