I
wasn’t going to participate in this weekend's Trifecta challenge. But then, I had some thoughts about this picture prompt. *
Him:
She’s
crying.
I
can hear her, behind me, struggling to pull the one suitcase I couldn’t manage. Crying.
To
hear her just rips my insides apart. This is equally excruciating for me. I want
to cry all the time too but not in front of her. It would send her to the dark spot and far, far away. We need to go back, back to “our” world and not empty
handed.
This
third try. This third city. This third trip. This has to be the one because
it’s simply brutal.
I can’t
do this again and I won’t. The toll on us has been unbearable. Emotionally and
physically. I can’t see her, heart shattered and crumbled in a ball. Not one
more time.
This
is the last airport I carry this.
We’re
losing “us”. Hanging together by a thread.
Her:
I’m
trying to get a grip. I’ve pushed
hard for this, I know. And I keep pushing still. But I’m feeling out of control.
You are so gentle, so sweet.
I
love you more than the world. Don’t you know that? Can’t you feel that? Yet I feel this space between us.
It’s
just… I want more. Something more for us. Something to add to “us”.
Hoping
is hard and we’ve given up on it before, too many times.
The
heart wrenching change of minds, the devastating disappointment and the loss.
Maybe
this third time will be the charm. Maybe this will be our last airport . Maybe this
random Russian city holds the answer. Maybe
this third baby is the one meant to be ours. Maybe this will be the last time
we return home with our car seat empty with longing.
Let’s
hope one last time. Please?
I
promise not to cry anymore unless it’s tears of joy but I shouldn’t promise
anything. I’m not good with them.
You’ve
carried the weight and the entire burden these last ten years. I can promise this;
I’ll be your rock this time.
We
are stronger together, aren’t we?
************************************
*Today is my parents’
gazillionth wedding anniversary. 54 years! My dad says, “It takes a whole lot of work but I love her. Always
have and always will.”
Adoption was the only option
they had early on in their marriage. While they were fully engaged in the
process with Catholic Adoption Agencies in the city, I became, somehow, more
than just a “twinkle” in their eyes and was a complete surprise.
6 comments:
The brutality of a wait like that, the hope and disappointment, those things are so very real and so underrepresented.
That was very compelling Gina.
My parents didn't go through it to that extent but they said it was hard for them being the only couple without children and desperately wanting one. They thought I would be an only child. Then poof! Along came my brother 18 mo. later and unexpectedly as well.
I know some people who have experienced it. Divorce rates are really high (like 80% or some outrageous number).
Thanks, Jen!!!
Good luck for Trifecta, the third time has to be a charm.
Thanks, loverofword! I sure hope it is for this couple. I don't know how much more they can take!
Post a Comment