(He’s not my favorite but I love this song)
Today is my last day alone for a very long time. It won't be all about me anymore, at least for a few months. But was it really anyway?
“The Stairs” were a sweaty and slimy affair this morning. It’s hot and humid here, almost gross. A particularly sappy section of my iPod playlist cued up while I trudged up and down. Usually I’d have this stuff off faster than playing “Name That Tune.” but today I let it ride. (Sappy song list at the end)
I have no idea why the wallowing...maybe I need a cupcake. Is it because it’s the last day to be “me”? I’m not being dramatic here, either. I’m quite certain all parents are different in front of their kids whatever ages they are. Therefore, I won’t be exactly “me” for a while, the one I've grown used to.
For 8.1237895 months…
I've been happy yet pensive; excited but often bored; traveled a ton and became a homebody; did major personal housekeeping (I’m talking about inside me) and ignored the laundry; wrote a lot and slacked off; packed in the movies and read; spent bunches of time with my lover and friends and a whole lot of time alone; got used to a quiet house but yearned for the chaos.
Then I blinked and it was May.
I’m sure everybody, at whatever point in life, feels time goes much too quickly. To me it feels more so when you no longer have the opportunity to spend every single day with your children. I can’t begin to explain the longing you experience especially at the beginning.
Although it becomes “the way it is”, it doesn’t feel completely natural to me and you don’t get used to it. Not really. My life doesn't feel complete unless I can hug and kiss my babies. There's a little emptiness. You begin to wonder how to fill the space. You try a few things but it doesn't work.
Am I nervous about what this summer holds? I’d be lying if I said no. We’ve all changed. We’ve all grown used to our new lives. It’ll become a question of merging our current lifestyles and compromising. But still, I can’t wait!
They’ll both be working fulltime, which is different. One will be at home with a way cool advertising/marketing internship and the other working a dream job at the lake alongside all his buddies (and a “crush” since 6th grade, I might add).
So where does that put me? Haven’t decided yet.
I just have one more “sleep” until I can squeeze them tight and the anticipation is killing me!!! AND just received...
(The rest says...Go Study and good luck on your test tonight!)Sappy Songs to click on:
I just know this will be one of my best Mother's Days ever. The best present...All four of us being under the same roof. I need nothing else.
Half Life (one of two Duncan Sheik songs)
Dancing in the Moonlight by King Harvest
These Are Days by 10,000 Maniacs
5. The perfect Mother's Day consists of....