I’m In a Pickle: A Bad Way To Diet!

Girlie Post Warning...

I just ripped through the pantry looking for “my” peanut butter. Damn, I’m out and I didn’t even know it. I ALWAYS have a back up which means someone’s been in it! I guess these Honey Graham Oh!s will do.

Unfortunately for my junk loving family, I haven’t been to the grocery store in forever because I’m buying too much crap AND ice cream. I can’t have that stuff in our house or the tasmanian devil that resides inside me will tear through everything leaving this house in total destruction and completely ravage.

How are we surviving, you ask? I’m only going to the corner market where crap isn’t sold. If mama has to eat healthy (and not be entirely happy about it), so do all of you! "Because, I say!"

It’s seems as if I’ve been chain-smoking cupcakes…not good. Here’s a tip: Cupcakes don’t hurt when you use them to beat yourself up over dumb stuff. There are other less caloric techniques but they don't work as well on moi!

In any case, why am I in a pickle? I’m in a pickle because I need to figuratively (literally would be so much faster/easier) wire my jaw shut starting immediately.

**Have you read/seen this, brides use feeding tubes to rapidly shed pounds, Now THAT sounds like a rational solution, doesn’t it? DON’T DO THIS, EVER! It’s pure and utter insanity!**

I'm attending a very important wedding in L.A. ten-ish days from now. Of course, I felt a significant event such as this warranted an equally significant dress. Come on! I haven’t bought a really cool dress in a long time. So I did, based on the recommendation of my best friend Susie, and my fingers are crossed that the VISA bill arrives post trip.  

Sue is the one you want by your side at such times. She’ll flat out tell you what she thinks because (1.) She wants us both to look good being twin-like and all, (2.) She doesn’t want to hear me bitch that I should have picked the other one.

She always says, “That size is too big. Try on the smaller size.” Of course I do as my baby sister, from another mister, tells me and she's usually spot on. Playing Roger Ebert, she gave my gold dress a resounding two very enthusiastic thumbs up. “Now that looks hot! That’s the one!” And I say, "But it's a little snug.", as I struggle to pull it off my body. "Oh, you can do it. You have 2 1/2 weeks." Okaaaaaay!!!!!

Then, what’s a girl to do but be lead right to the shoe department to find the perfect pair?

That was last week and because I’m always afraid I'll peak too early, drop a few fast pounds and think, “Well it’s okay to have this cupcake ‘cause I’ve already slimmed down some.” I put it off. Now, I'm in that "pickle"! The place I didn't want to be.

It’s T-minus 10 days. I’m not panicked, but I am starting to give the matter some serious contemplation as I calculate exactly how this is going to happen.

And that’s the thing about shoes. They always fit. You don’t have to starve to fit into them. AND they’re beautiful.

The invitation recommended wedges for an outdoor ceremony and reception. I don't listen very well, now do I? I'm a sucker for heels!

I will do my utmost to prevent my diet-induced crabbiness from affecting all of you through my writing this next week but I guess you should be expecting it. I don’t do well when I’m hungry, let alone, starving and the only way to pull this off is that or “the wires”.

Just wait ‘til after the wedding when I drag all of you into my desperate attempt to train for my second ever triathlon. It’s not pretty.

*Pictures (except shoes) courtesy of Google Images and someone.

"Just Once"

Never before conceived; never desired and never done. Not by her. 

And she felt inexperienced. She was new to this. 

There weren’t many areas in her life where that could be claimed. She’d done pretty much everything that held her interest. She'd done a lot.

Whose idea had it been?

"Just once."

Spending only twenty-four hours with someone you’d “met” but not really “met” yet really needed to meet. Someone whom you felt you knew but didn’t because you'd never laid eyes on them before which is important in knowing, isn't it? 

The clock's pace seemed more rapid than normal, exceptionally so. What felt like only minutes, even seconds was hours. They sensed immediacy in every moment as time quickly ticked.

She said she’d always hated them, goodbyes. Possibly him too, yet he seemed okay and that’s exactly what she needed. 

They chose a quiet park for a last walk and the air felt wonderful; so fresh and exhilarating. What caused the goose bumps on their flesh; the slight chill or proximity of the other? Something passed between them, constantly; feeling equal parts magnetic and electric with an unimaginable, almost painful intensity. 

Arms encircling each other tightly, they alternated radiant hugs and shared heartbeats with long thorough gazes. Both trying to memorize and imprint every line, angle, lash, tooth, iris, freckle, bone, curve, muscle. Heartbeat. 

When their departure was imminent, her eyes brimmed and a solitary drop spilled. He quickly caught it with his lips just as it passed her cheekbone.

Agreeing to only one glance back and a wave, they smiled the biggest smiles they could knowing they’d both be okay. With that, they separated walking backwards for a few moments noticing no one else on the street. Spinning, she blew him a kiss and never turned around again. 

This never happened. And yet, maybe it did, only in their entirely separate minds. It couldn’t have happened any other way. 

Trifecta Writing Challenge: 33 to 333 words
NEW (adjective)

1: having recently come into existence

2 a (1) : having been seen, used, or known for a short time (2) : unfamiliar 

     b : being other than the former or old

3: having been in a relationship or condition but a short time <new to the job> <a new wife>

A Hung Jury

It needs to be unanimous and it’s not.

So I’m off to do ropes and stairs in search of clarity, wisdom and understanding. But first I need to download a song.

I heard it yesterday blaring from my daughter’s bathroom as she was swaying to the music and fixing her long hair. (She asked me if she should wear it straight or curly with the dress she carefully chose for a party. The very minute I said straight it was trumped by a text from “the boyfriend” who loves it curled. Things change.)

I paused by her door, as she worked, and just listened. I listened intently to the words the minute I understood their meaning.

I’m not a country fan (at all) but I am forced to listen when she’s home. Okay, I’ll admit it grows on you if you let it and there’s no way to help but hear it through the walls. So just now, onto my iPod it went.


I have this feeling it's going to be a ice cream for lunch kind of day.

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Front Porch Looking In 

by Lonestar
(An excerpt)

The only ground I ever owned was sticking to my shoes

Now I look at my front porch and this panoramic view

I can sit and watch the fields fill up

With rays of glowing sun

Or watch the moon lay on the fences

Like that's where it was hung

My blessings are in front of me

It's not about the land

I'll never beat the view

From my front porch looking in

I see what beautiful is about

When I'm looking in

Not when I'm looking out
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We have a big front porch where we spend a lot of time. The couches go out in April and remain until November. There's a swing on either end. 

It’s a peaceful place where we talk, read, relax and observe as the world passes by our view. We sip coffee, wine, and Arnold Palmers. Friends stop by for a chat if they're walking by and see us.

It's also a place where we've had great and difficult heart-to-hearts with each other...every combination of the four of us and all together. This weekend, the four of us (plus Ellie and Addy) spent hours there in the gorgeous weather...

Discussing, pondering, listing, 

laughing, crying,

reasoning, arguing, deciding.

Happiness, Harmony, Yoga - Stream of Consciousness Sunday

Over at All Things Fadra we do this five minute Stream of Consciousness thing on Sundays. Here is my Sunday stream. It's jumbled, I know, and unedited but it's supposed to be. Also, outside of my five minutes, I added the picture, caption and source.** So really it took me 6 minutes.

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So many things, people, quotes are touching me lately, especially lately.

I am not much of a Facebooker,might check it a few times a week to see if there are any birthdays I should be remembering, I don’t tweet, I don’t PIN. I’m slightly disconnected from all that. I don't know if that's good or bad or anything at all. I don't even know why I bring it up now except to explain how I use my computer time.

I suppose I spend most of my time writing stuff. The majority of what I write, like most bloggersI'm guessing, NEVER ends up out there for public viewing. It is, to me, a major release. Some of it is good stuff, some of it inappropriate only for certain eyes and a lot of it just not very good writing. Just stuff. My stuff.

But I did go on Facebook today and one of my friends shared this. And I love it! 


I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT! 


I love it so much that I’m going to get back into yoga this very minute, or as soon as Monday comes, so I can achieve this sometime... soon. First things first..work onbackbend. this is a quad/hip flexor killer, btw. My guy doesn't do yoga and isn't the least bit flexible so I'll have to figure out something. 

As I perused the snippets of pictures and quotes right in front of my eyes (I haven’t even begun to dig yet and I will), I was again, touched.

I can’t wait to spend more time reading this peaceful Facebook page. God, I hope friends don’t see me on there and start IMing me. It feels weird, like spying.

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**The caption spoke to me as well. It is from the Facebook page “2012 Healing the Planet”

"Happiness is not a matter of intensity 

but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony."

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Dear Ann Landers: About Showing Up

This morning, I was looking for an Ann Landers article from years ago that I sent to a friend. I don’t have any idea why I wanted to find it. Crazy how thinks pop into your brain. Into my brain?

I wrote it out for her by hand and kept the newsprint for myself. Not known for my stellar organizational skills, I’m not surprised I can’t find it in the place that would make the most sense.

The subject matter was relationships. It was about “showing up”.

~Be present, Be reliable, Be there. Just show up. ~

Does anyone remember this one?

I’m home a lot lately. I have to be. I have to “show up.” And it’s okay.

Damn! I wish I could find it because I’d love to have it here so I can read it often. So I’m googling the hell out of this machine and searching. I will find it.

In the meantime, I found a few quotes of Ann’s that I always liked/loved. I used to read her column daily. I even wrote to her once about a relationship/family issue. Never got a response and, therefore, it was never printed. I still read even though I was disappointed.

“Many people think that holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. But there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go - and then to do it.”

“If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough.”

“Keep in mind that the true measure of an individual is how he treats a person who can do him absolutely no good.”

“Make somebody happy today, and mind your own business”

LOVE THIS

“Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.”

“Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them.”

“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.

“At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” So what about the couples where neither wants to go home until the fun stops…that’s our problem!

“Inside every seventy-year-old is a thirty-five-year-old asking, 'What happened?”

Gorgeous day.

Ellie and I are going to go sit on the porch together. 

You know, maybe it was Dear Abby.

Risk Versus Reward

The best way to take my mind off of a heartbreaking visit to the vet is to write something. So here you have it.

Trifecta says complete the following story in 33 words:

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'It wasn't the first time.'

Book obsessed and reenacting plotlines in real life. 

It’s only a game, isn’t it? 

Trickier, scarier and riskier. 

Exciting beyond expectations. 

Does she have it in her this time? 

Stopping would be wise… 

I'll Talk To Him...AGAIN!

This was written for Write On Edge's Red Riding Hood prompt, playing Victor/Victoria. If you typically write from the male perspective, switch it up to the female. And if you generally write female, go for the male. If you’re writing memoir share a memory from a brother/husband/father’s perspective.

Please Note: You are only “hearing” the guy’s side of this conversation and hopefully your imagination can guide you as to what the woman is asking or saying in response.

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Yes, I understand it’s my job. How many times do you plan to bring it up? 


I’ve GOT IT! Teach the boy to be a man. I know, I know. You’ve got the girls. It is different.

We DO talk all the time!

Come on. Do I really need to talk to him about THAT? Again? It’d be like the fourth time. 


That “film” in 5^th grade; the middle school talk and he said “No! No questions". I went over it again before he started high school and again before he left last fall. 


Yes, I told him he could ask me anything, anytime.

We DID talk about the “big” stuff, you know. He understands. How often do I have to sit him down about this? Daily? 


I was kidding.


Guys don’t talk about much on the golf course. Nothing came up. I’d tell you.

I don’t think finding that in his jeans means anything really. It looks old. 


No, I didn’t give it to him. I don’t have any! He IS in college, though. 


Well, yes, I did mention that he should always be prepared. Just in case, you know…

No. I don’t  know exactly what the “Fire and Ice” kind is but I could make a pretty accurate guess. 


Yes, you do too but you don’t want to go there because he’s your baby.

No. I don’t think his soul is in moral decay. I think he’s just a college guy looking to have a fun summer with... whatever. But, I don’t know the answer for sure! Again, I’m just guessing.

Ok, Ok! I'll talk to him again.

I hear you. Let me see what I can get out of him. I don’t guarantee he’ll tell me anything. 


When? How about this weekend? 


Fine, tonight.