Every morning when I wake up, I meditate (horizontally) for several minutes thinking about the same things, and making mostly the same intentions.
Live
today better than yesterday (extremely general, I know). Leap on opportunities
that allow acts of kindness, but keep them to myself. Be more attentive to my
loved ones. Write something. Anything. Just write.
Every
morning I walk into town for coffee, assess how I’m feeling, and think about writing.
Ideas spring forth most prevalently after the first few sips, but when I get
back home I sit here. I sit here just like I am today consumed by meaningless
distractions like web surfing through Facebook, Goodreads, my blog roll, etc.
completely avoiding where my writing actually takes place, which is the desktop
computer or my college ruled notebook both located in the study.
They
pile on cumulatively, the days, becoming just another one without productive keystrokes or blue ink on my middle finger; thoughts and words that never make it to paper or the big, white screen.
Every
day I see the proof, which is directly left of these exact words (my post
activity). Although, I delude everyone including myself by saying I could be writing something bigger,
more substantial that doesn’t include words in this space. It is sadly not so.
Like you, I
get pulled and distracted into another compartment of my life, which is fine and wonderful (sometimes), but the feeling lingers. Sometimes all day. A dull ache sits on my
chest like a pretty substantial paperweight, not disruptive but a constant reminder.
And
every day I feel the same sense of disappointment in a “groundhog day” kind
of way. My lack of self-discipline
and creativity, je ne sais quoi (not the good kind), haunts me the rest of the day.
Day-after-day
I think, “Why am I not doing something that provides me with such intense
fulfillment? Am I afraid?”
*********************
My feelings this moment, and written for Just Write.
*********************
My feelings this moment, and written for Just Write.
11 comments:
Gina.
WRITE!
I say this as a friend and a reader of your words.
I also say it as a fellow writer that does the same thing you do. I am afraid of my own words, my own talent (which I believe is lacking in so many areas) of my own ability to do what others seem to do with ease.
But you must write. Okay,not every day, but when the mood hits, when the words come because your words are wonderful.
And there you have it. A meaningful, heartfelt post (that you wrote) that resonates with so many of us out here in Blog World. Fear holds us back from doing the things that can bring us the most joy. I'm working to push past the fear, too. Keep pushing. Because I love what I've found here. :)
See what midwestern living does to people. You get stuck in snow bound places which drain the life out of you and then you are forced to root for teams that can't win and that drains the life out of you.
And then you come up with excuses not to write when all you have to do is sit down and just tap away at the keyboard.
Tap, tap, tap.
Not as motivational as it could be, but you can do it if you want.
You are absolutely the most encouraging person I know, Kir. And, oh so, talented! I know I'm not alone in the feelings of self-doubt, but when I'm walking around in solitude during the day, it seems like I'm alone. It's a lonely feeling. When I look, and I do. it seem like everyone else is cranking out such awesomeness while I'm feeling stagnant. I know writing begets more writing. It's worked in the past, the pushing through, I just need to make it a priority again.
You are a wonderful inspiration! Have I already told you?
At my age, you'd think I'd be finished with fears! Nope! And I'm going with the premise that fear = challenge = growth. I still need to be challenged and consistently grow. I'm feeling motivation for the first time in far too long. Thank you so much, Jane, for reading my words and supporting them today. Means the world to me!!!
Thanks, sassy pants!
The distractions are everywhere & such a time suck. I wake up each morning thinking TODAY is the day I will eat better/exercise more/write more/be present more....
I am trying. Even now I'm trying to put aside my current distractions and get busy with the million things I NEED to do. The be present more is a constant for me. It needs the most work.
I need to take a teensy note pad along. I was one place yesterday and the setting had my mind in overdrive taking notes. Much better to have the thoughts written down to refer to later. I'm with you. Here I am reading your blog, when I need to be finishing a first draft of a blog post -- I'm getting paid for....
I write on a notepad, too. I have so many ideas, but when I sit down...poof. The words haven't been flowing. Plus, I've been extremely distracted by outside life (away from the computer). I'm trying! And you need to finish!!!!!!
Love this fear equation - I don't think age increases lead to an end of fear. I guess it just leads to more growth...
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