I detest feeling frustrated. And I equally detest feeling annoyed. But the feeling I detest even more, whipping both frustration and annoyance into the frothiest mixture of icky feelings, is one in which I feel between a rock and a hard place. It's that dreadful place where you have no choice, or feel as if you don't, because if you exercised your right to make that choice, a certain choice, you would be "the bad guy". Or deemed unreasonable or a bitch or probably even other worse things.
You are asked if something is okay with you; works for you. Do you mind if...?
And the answer is "no"; it's not really okay. It doesn't work for me; I do mind.
But you feel you can't say "no". And you have to do it. Then act like you don't mind if it goes down at all.
You can express how uncomfortable it is for you fully understanding it's going to happen anyway. Because you have no choice but to say "yes".
So you try to put some boundaries on it to make it seem better. And you throw out a "I know other people who would feel the same as me" for good measure. You feel like a heel for even feeling this way at all. And you feel like some sort of brat. But you can't help it because it's just how you feel.
This is how I feel at this very minute. And I detest it.
Ever felt this way?
