His back faced me doing something meaningless. I know that now.
“Notice how much weight I’ve lost?”
“Yes, why is that?”
What I should have asked only more delicately. In utter weakness, I responded,
“Will you be okay?”
“I hope so.”
Not sure why, but I left your words hanging. So unlike me.
Ten days later, you didn’t come in or call. So unlike you my neck hairs raised.
Things I’ll miss: your ready smile, gentleness, intense knowledge, disgusting chips, sense of humor. Not in that order.
The dolphins swam in your honor last night. Did you feel it, too?
*******************************
There’s a destructive and betraying disease out there, friends. Chronic Delression is cunning. It's often a secret. By asking if it was cancer, maybe he would have confided in me that it was not. He probably would have deflected anyway. Suicide leaves so much pain and unanswered questions.
2 comments:
I've lost too many loved ones to cancer. It is a hateful disease.
I don't know if it's because we are so much more connected now, but it seems like I hear of suicide way, way too much these days. All ages. It so scares me with young people. They don't realize situations change. I've certainly had my struggles with depression but how horrible to have the dark aches that never lift.
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