Sunday, May 5, 2013

SOCS: Dealing, My Way (With Anybody and Anything)


Wow! It’s been a long time. My fingers haven’t typed at this keyboard, sitting in my study, in weeks. I have no concrete reason or excuse except to admit I haven’t “felt” like it.

But it is Sunday and Sundays are my second favorite day of the week and in celebration of this fact and to put something down on paper before I bask in the very first day it has felt like Springtime in Chicago, Jana offered up a stream of consciousness (five minutes to type then immediately press “publish”) prompt of:

Dealing (with anything and anybody)

Oh BOY, has this changed over the years.

I remember being a young, gainfully employed adult, then young mother, and trying to control absolutely everything I came in contact with and I mean EVERYTHING. I thought if I did, I could determine (okay, force) a suitable outcome, which definitely translated into the one I wanted. It worked about 50% of the time (most likely with the same probability as accompanied by my extraordinary measures). The interesting thing about this approach is that I was almost always 100% stressed out. With worry. With pending disappointment.  With exhaustion.

A quick decision maker by nature, and very impulsive, I make mistakes continually throughout any given day. I am the first person to admit I’m incredibly and undeniably imperfect. I feel a certain amount weight lifted being able to acknowledge this.

But thinking about my approach to dealing this morning and being a gazillion years older than that young, naïve mother, I realize that control is almost one of the very last things I desire or need. In fact, I almost hate the feeling I get from forcing something. And who wants something you have to "force" anyway (and there is a difference between making something happen by working for it and using force to produce it especially against another's will, in my opinion).

I find much more peace from sleeping on things (decisions and issues!!!), reducing my expectations of others AND going easier on myself. I am the only person I can control. Maybe not my scattered thoughts so much but how I react or act on them.

I can’t control, nor would I want to, anyone else. Because I never want to make anyone do anything that they don’t want in their own heart.

Be YOU! Let me be ME! If we like each other, YEA!!!

It sounds so hands off but it makes it easier for me to close my eyes at night (who am I kidding; I never sleep anyway).

13 comments:

  1. We are obviously kindred spirits. (You will recognize the you in me if you read my SOC Sunday post.) I am so with you through all of this... my best friend asks me how I can not be stressed out over stuff that appears to stressful... well? Its a choice... primarily. A change of thinking-lifestyle.

    I care what you write - and am so glad to have found you via SOC Sunday today!

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  2. Being able to let things go, and choosing to not stress over what we can't control, is hard but worth it. I totally get what you're saying here. Happy to have found you via SOC.

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  3. I am working hard on not stressing over other people (family!!), and remind myself at least once a day "you can't control her, let it go." It helps. I love that you have found this peace.

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  4. I love this. In some ways, we're very much alike. Except with the whole controlling change thing :) Great post!!

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  5. Letting go of the desire to control everything is so freeing! I am much happier without all that, but it is something that each person has to learn on their own, isn't it?

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  6. Normally I wouldn't leave a link here but I am going to because it feels like it relates:

    http://www.thejackb.com/2012/05/03/there-are-no-coincidences/

    Anyhoo, most of the time I am happier when I just roll with what comes because you can't control most things, too many things are beyond us.

    Traffic has its own "mind" and people don't act based upon logic, reason or rational thought.

    You never know what they are going to do. Sometimes they come up with things that make perfect sense and then they do things that make you scratch your head because you can't figure out how they made the leap from one place to the next.

    Kind of repetitive I suppose, but it is my experience.

    Not to mention I wonder what is going on with women and sleep. Virtually every woman I know that has children (regardless of age) complains about not sleeping well.

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  7. So many great SOCS posts this week.

    I have changed so much from the 19yo newlywed, scared to death of everything and completely clueless. Thirty-plus years later, I like to think I'm a little more aware. And a lot less worried about what other people think.

    Then again, maybe I'm just having a good day. {wink}

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  8. This is where we differ when usually we are so similar. I don't recall a time when I was ever a quick decision maker. I've always strived to be, but then I second guess and go back and forth so very often that it makes no sense. As for control, I try to say screw it on things that I can't control, but it is so very hard. How do people do that on a regular basis?

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  9. "Reducing my expectations of others AND going easier on myself." Amen sister. And I'm realizing though only can control myself -- that doesn't mean I can control life. It spends wildly out of control daily. (I know you meant controlling reactions to things) but I still believe that if I plan my day -- a, b and c will get done. Ha. You are so right, Gina. I don't just want to deal anymore. I want to enjoy more.

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  10. I kind of wish I could get there...I didn't used to feel like I needed to control everything, but then I left NYC and bought a house that I am completely responsible for, and all of a sudden, not being in control is incredibly frightening.

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  11. I think this is one of the most valuable lessons people can learn. I get so much less frustrated since I've given up trying to control things. It started with my brother who is a 'screw up.' I love him dearly, and even though I'm younger, I spent a lot of my life taking care of him. I finally realized he needs to take care of himself, and the only thing I need to do is love him. It has made my life sooo much easier. My family started to get frustrated with me, because I wasn't getting my brother to do things or whatnot, but I just kept explaining that I have no control over my brother, and it's not my job. Peace :)

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  13. the expectations has been a challenge for me. everything you say is true, and i also think it takes a strong person and gutsy writer to put it all out there like that. but tempering expectations is what especially spoke to me.

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