I’m
sitting at this keyboard and I’m freezing. I am freezing because my house is cold and I should have taken a warm shower a long while ago after sweating out five pounds in a Bikram (i.e. severely hot) yoga class. I did not do this yet and my
fingertips are blue and I'm shivering.
I’m
sitting here typing while also staring at a stack of gorgeous family photos on
Christmas cards, which were received in the mail today. At the same time, my stack
of Christmas cards remains sealed in plastic wrapped packaging, unaddressed.
I’m
still sitting here, obviously, with full knowledge of the unwrapped Christmas
gifts, which cover the entire floor of my bedroom. Fancy gold
ribbon and silver foil paper and cute gift tags lay next to those gifts. I
haven’t touched any of them yet except to burrow a path from my side of
the bed to the bathroom so I don’t take a tumble in the dark when I get up at
night.
I
have a long list of things I haven’t done yet.
And
I also have an idea of why I keep putting off every thing that is HO HO HO related
(including today’s shower which is technically due to pure laziness). I just
don’t feel like doing anything. Period.
It's not how I feel about Christmastime. I’m not in a bah humbug mood either. I love the holidays.
It’s almost as if I feel paralyzed to do
anything because I don’t feel any sense of pressure yet. And I have no idea why
I don’t feel any pressure because, please tell me if I’m wrong, Christmas IS
next week. I can’t help it.
They
key component is I have to feel it,
the pressure. And I don’t. Not yet.
I don't know if I am a glutton for punishment, although I
can rightfully say I work best with a thumb planted firmly on my back, with a
deadline. I can cram like nobody’s business and always get my shit done. Thank
God I’m not a perfectionist since procrastinators aren’t afforded that luxury anyway.
There's something just so enticing to me, and more fun-filled, about doing anything other than what I'm supposed to be doing. So maybe then, it's not about being a procrastinator at all. Whatever you call it (what do you call it?), it makes me me and it's not likely to change much no matter anyone's consternation.
So
until I feel it, the pressure, I’ll find things I’d rather do like read, or workout, or eat, or hang out with friends, or read some more.
The
pickle is, once Friday morning comes, the last grain of sand will drop through
the hourglass. Time will have expired. There’ll be plans and holiday parties
and kids stuff and a warm weather vacation. Life will become its beautiful Christmas chaos. And I'll be left surfing its wave.
By then, no more time to get ready for Christmas.
I
should shower and get some shit done, right? I suppose time's doing its ticking thing...