Sunday means streaming…stream of consciousness (thank Jana here)…so that’s exactly what I will do for this 11th day of NaBloPoMo (it's actually getting a little easier to type as the days wind on).
My plan for these five minutes of unedited writing is just to wing it because I had a weird (I always seem to have some sort of
weird) conversation starter this weekend that I thought was sharable. Something I would never say.
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I just returned from a girls’
weekend at the lake. It was lovely getting to know a few women I hardly know.
Two I know fairly well (including the hostess) and one I know extremely well. I
like to sleep in my own bed, just do, so I didn’t stay there.
Since I had to drive home at night, I was
not imbibing :-(, which was fine because it gave me the opportunity to observe, ask
questions and listen. Right up my alley!
One of the ladies that falls into
the “sort of know” category has a son who spent his first full-time summer at
the lake. Most laker kids, or “water rats”, have spent all their summers in
rural Indiana. It’s a pretty tight group who has known each other since birth.
Almost like cousins. There are probably 13 of them.
This kid (my friend’s son), I
don’t know well which is saying something because most kids run through my
house once a day at least. He is trouble, been arrested several times, etc. and
from the time my son was young I counseled him to keep his distance (Matt
doesn’t need any assistance in that regard, who does?).
That’s the background.
So this woman sits down next to
me with her 3rd or 4th glass of wine in hand and says…”my son (not using name) came home at the beginning of the summer and said, “Matt F (that’s my guy) is a dick (her
word).”
I said, “oh, really. Why’s that?”
Then I just sat back and let her
talk wondering where theconversation was headed. I knew she’d eventually either
stick her foot in her mouth and/or dig herself a giant hole.
It took only 3 minutes of
patience to get my answer.
Who starts a conversation with
someone like that?
That really sucks. How terribly tacky and rude. Why even put that out there? And it makes me want to see what kind of hole she dug - please do tell! Wine is not her friend.
ReplyDeleteI was shocked, not necessarily by the content as much as how it was said. My constant words to my kids, "it's not always what you say but how you say it." I guess her point was she thinks our sons are alike, which I could understand a little, and neither backs down when words are exchanged. Essentially, they buck horns as do a lot if 18 year old boys. She said by the last day of summer, her son's impression was now "he's ok." I can tell you that my guy never spent one minute worrying about what this kid thought of him. All she had to say was, "Isn't it nice that by the end of the summer the boys wake boarded together. I knew they'd get along." but that's not how it went down.
DeletePeople handle drinking differently. I do know that.
Amazing what alcohol will float to the top of the brain. That must have really been preying on her mind.
ReplyDeleteI must agree with Stacie - would love to hear how deep she dug herself. On second thought, probably just embarrassing all around.
Apparently it was but she wasn't happy with her son's summer either so that possibly contributed. I was out of touch a bit this summer so a lot of things went right by me. I would describe it as a very big backpedaling job. Must have been the look on my face but I tried to keep it very neutral while she talked. Interesting.
DeleteWoman needs to give up drinking...and talking if you ask me. Sorry Gina I know you're a moma bear that must have been terrible even if she was a bitch.
ReplyDeleteI agree. Things seemed to go better with some women in mixed company. I don't know these women really well and I was taken off guard because this is one I like. I think it definitely was a case of how you say something. Matt is NOT perfect. He doesn't let things roll off his back (can be confrontational) and I get it. And I know she didn't mean to offend me but....
ReplyDeleteI let it pass. I was actually dying to call a friend and say "Get a load of this smack!"
Good grief. What was she thinking? Nice sentiment at the end, but talk about the wrong way to introduce the thought.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a big fan of the alcohol excuse. I think it just shows people's true colours, pretty or not.
I don't accept it as an excuse. She wanted to say what she wanted to say. It was the first moment we were talking alone. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt because I'm trying to understand the spirit in which is was said and content. There was truth to what she was saying. I just was taken aback by her introduction of the topic. Again, I don't accept it as an excuse and if I say anything TWD (talking while drinking), I own it. That said, I tend to stay off (AVOID) tender topics when sharing cocktails with friends.
DeleteYikes. The ugly side of alcohol--and maybe mothers? I think we all get so defensive of our kids that maybe she came from a place of hurt seeing your son and hers do the bucking horns thing. There is never any excuse to have THAT kind of conversation starter. Ever. Even if she actually wanted to have a heart to hear (which it didn't sound like she did) that is so the wrong way to begin--by saying something hurtful and insulting and automatically putting you in a place of having to be defensive (even if you weren't overly defensive, her offensive logically sort of left that role to you). Ugh.
ReplyDeleteI remember once when I was just out of high school my mom ran into a guy friend's mom at a party. My mom said hi, and this mom responds with: "Your daughter broke my son's heart." Then turned on a heel and left my mom standing in front of a bunch of women staring at her. Seriously? Even if that's true (it was), there is ALWAYS MORE TO THE STORY. And parents don't need to act out the same conflicts that their kids have. Because then they are acting just like KIDS.
sorry that happened! Made for a good blog post, though. :)
Ugly side of both! When kids are school and sports age, the ugly comes out from parents (particularly with sports). I can get defensive but, particularly where Matt is concerned, I start a touchy conversation by immediately accepting 50% of the responsibility for my kid's behavior. Just works better that way and my kids are far from perfect. It was an offensive (as opposed to subtle) move on her part but she is that way. Calls it like "she" sees it.
DeleteI know how your mom felt! That happened to ME because of my daughter.
For every single story, there is always another side. Sometimes there are more than two sides even! I don't judge; I listen.
Real Life = Blog Fodder
Wow! I applaud you for just sitting and listening! That is definitely NOT the way to start a conversation.
ReplyDeleteSitting and listening is me. It's what I tend to do. I'm going to see where something is headed before I jump in. Now if I only did that with my actions...
DeleteThat's sweet that everyone is giving her the benefit of the doubt by assuming her judgment was impaired from alcohol and not thinking this might just be the way she is.
ReplyDeleteIt's the way she is. She just "speaks". It's just exacerbated by alcohol unfortunately.
DeleteUgh, people who just speak without thinking make me crazy. You are a classy lady for just sitting there and listening to her. I'm not so sure I could have.
ReplyDeleteSamantha...there's a lot of them out there. In fact, we are outnumbered! I do my best to be fair and not rush to any judgement. Ok, so I was baiting her a little by just listening!
DeleteYou were sitting there listening to her, and writing your blog at the same time. You're a multitasker!
ReplyDeleteExactly! I totally thought, "What until my friends hear about this." It actually occurred to me as she was speaking that it would make a great story. I feel bad for her.
Delete