Where Babies Come From...

Being a mom for a while now, almost 22 years, I have more than a few instances where my child and I both lost something youthful and childlike. Me...just from a different angle. I know you'll get this…

So two definite standouts stories are when the wheels fell off the whole Santa, Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy gigs all at the same time, in one fell swoop. Boy, did I feel rotten that day.

The other is the day I was forced to explain how babies were made to my oldest, who was/is a very sharp cookie.

I think I'll tell you "the birds and the bees" one. I’m not so sure I did a very good job so please don’t judge me. I was caught off guard with very little time to formulate a plan.

ADVICE FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVEN’T GONE DOWN THIS PATH YET…HAVE A PLAN FORMULATED WAY AHEAD OF TIME!!!

Just saying it helps. And it goes for Daddies, too, because you get to do it with your boys (at least that’s how it worked in this household).

Each year, the kids in our schools spend some time at the Robert Crown Center, which is nationally recognized for teaching kids K – 8^th grade about healthy eating, puberty, human reproduction, tobacco, and alcohol and drug abuse prevention through science-based programs.

They do a fine job explaining things over there and we, parents, are quite happy for their support with all those tricked up things I mentioned above especially, you guessed it, human reproduction!

So in fifth grade, all the boys and girls go with a parent to an after school program to begin touching upon the topic of reproduction (in fourth grade, they learned a little about puberty and this was the add on piece to that).

The first half went swimmingly with both the boys and girls together. They each learned a bit of anatomy related to themselves and the opposite gender. Very nicely and scientifically presented, I thought.

Then the genders split up for the “big” stuff.

It was right about this time that my daughter began complaining of a headache. Go figure.

“Sweetheart, hang in there. It’s almost finished then we can go.”

“Mom, I DON’T FEEL GOOD!” she whispered loudly. I’m diagnosing it as sensory overload but I'm not a doctor.

“Okay, then. Let’s go.” And I motioned to my friend, Susie, with my hand waving perpendicularly to my throat, mouthing “We’re outta here.”

Amanda was sleeping on the couch practically before the car was in park. She'd have just enough time to nap it off before her evening gymnastics.

That’s when I got the call from Susie who said, 

“Just so you know, Natasha asked to know exactly how the egg reaches the sperm for fertilization. The instructor felt as if she had to answer the question. So all the girls in the fifth grade, except Amanda, know exactly how a female egg is fertilized. Catch my drift?”

I might have said, “Oh, F-bomb. Figures Natasha!” I can’t remember.

So I will net out the conversation that took place in the car to gymnastics between my daughter and me. She was in the back seat and I was conversing with her through the rearview mirror.

Me: “Sweetheart, I understand at Robert Crown that Natasha asked a question and the answer was provided to the group and I feel you should have the answer, too. It’s pretty grown up information but I know you can handle it.”

Her: “Okkkkk?”

Me: “Well, you know that boys have a penis, right? And girls have the area where their periods come from (I just couldn’t say the “V” word). Men provide the sperm and women provide the egg in order for a baby to begin inside a woman. You with me.”

Her: “Yeeeeees?”

Me, blurting out rather quickly: “Well, when two married people like your daddy and mommy love each other so much and want to have a baby, they share a special hug where the man’s penis and the woman’s period area connect on the inside......of the woman. That’s how the sperm reaches the egg!”

Thinking I’d done a pretty good job with little collateral damage, I glanced in the mirror. I could actually see her thinking for a minute.

But then her face began to change, and kind of screw up. I got nervous.

She sort of shivered, winced and shouted:

"YOU. HAVE. GOT. TO. BE. KIDDING. ME!!!”

Me: “Sweetheart, it’s really no big deal. Thought you should know. Do you have any questions?”

Her: “ABSOLUTELY, NOT!”

She ran out of the car to gymnastics and never brought it up again… Thankfully. Until we had to go to Robert Crown... the next time.

Things changed a little for us going forward.

But I think I did pretty well on the fly. Don’t you?

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4.) Describe a moment where you or your child lost a part of childhood (realizing Santa isn’t real, etc.)