Wednesday, March 21, 2012

A Good Clean Fight

This post was originally written for Trifecta Writing Challenge but because this topic has personal importance to me, I'm submitting it to Write On Edge Weekend Linkup as well. Music plays a huge part in my life and inspires me to do all sorts of things. However, it mostly inspires me to write. I was listening to these two songs (links below) while I wrote this post. 
The Beatles
Cat Stevens
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One of the most important virtues I learned from my father was fairness, in actions, words and judgments. He never spelled it out, but his actions before us spoke volumes. Believe me, my brother and I had some good knock down, drag outs but somehow we were respectful (unless you count a little hair pulling or other things).



Dad taught us how to fight a clean fight.

I have a temper although it doesn’t rear its ugly head often, as my friends will attest and who've rarely seen me in a tizzy. On the other hand, my family would most definitely disagree. They think I fly off the handle, am unreasonable and make a big deal out of nothing. Says who?

You know the saying, “If mom’s not happy, nobody’s happy!” Quite true and more significantly, don’t mess with the enforcer here in Mayberry. In essence, don’t try me or you’ll be guaranteed a “fight”. Otherwise, I'm perfectly pleasant.

When I “fight”, I don’t ever name call or swear… directly at someone, that is (just kidding). It’s an unspoken rule in this house and always has been. There’s no “stupid”, “shut up”, “B*@#h”, “F*#k you”, etc. A word or two may slip out of my naughty mouth relating to the situation, an f-bomb for instance. It does, and most definitely under my breath, but I never wind up and throw a punch of that sort at them personally. That is definitely not a clean fight!

Clean fights don’t include cheap shots, either verbally or physically. That’s cowardly and something my kids learned outside this home through some hard knocks; sports and relationships included.

I’ve tried hard to impress upon them this life lesson through my actions and because I’m not perfect, some of my behavior gets thrown right back at me. How nice! I quickly apologize which is another good lesson.

So I pass this on to them. If you always fight a clean fight, you can hold your head high.


Clean; adjective
3 a : free from moral corruption or sinister connections of any kind <a candidate with a clean record>
   b : free from offensive treatment of sexual subjects and from the use of obscenity <a clean joke>
   c : observing the rules : fair <a clean fight>
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20 comments:

  1. boogulooMarch 21, 2012 at 7:16 PM

    Nice advice to a kid but now days it might not be that easy. The amount of violence kids now see on TV and that's just in the comedy's that rubs off at an early age. I guess I'm not saying what a lot of people have already said in the world, so let me say your story was a good one.

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    1. GinaMarch 21, 2012 at 8:17 PM

      I don't know, booguloo...My kids are in college. We don't swear at each other or call each other names (brother and sister might without me around). My son was a high school wrestler so he learned to settle things physically without sucker punches. My daughter holds her own. It's an ideal that we should strive for...do I achieve it all the time, hardly. Will they? No. I would like for them to think its a goal though.

      Thanks for coming by!!!

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  2. karenMarch 21, 2012 at 9:31 PM

    I think a good clean fight, whether physical, political or theoretical, is all we can work toward.

    I come from two parents who fight dirty, which funny enough leads to children who either don't fight at all, or are obsessed with the cleanness of it all.

    Great take.

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    1. GinaMarch 22, 2012 at 9:51 AM

      Thanks, Karen. I whole heartedly agree that it is the goal. I can totally see how one would take the complete opposite approach when they experience or witness nasty arguing.

      I just want my kids to be able to handle themselves but treat people with respect as well.

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  3. AnonymousMarch 21, 2012 at 11:30 PM

    I like the lesson of clean fights that you taught your children. My sons fight all the time and it can get dirty. Yet another thing I get onto them to clean up.

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    1. GinaMarch 22, 2012 at 9:55 AM

      As I said, it's a goal/ideal that I hope they move forward with in their lives. They're in college and essentially on their own. Not much more I can do. Hopefully they are respectful. They certainly aren't perfect and fight like cats and dogs at home. I've heard they're best buds at school (they go to the same place).

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  4. JackMarch 22, 2012 at 3:06 AM

    It is important to know how to fight fair but to recognize how to handle yourself when the other side starts throwing low blows.

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    1. GinaMarch 22, 2012 at 9:59 AM

      My guy knows how to handle this from wrestling where the rules can sometimes be gray. He's good at neutralizing a situation through real life practice, physically and through words.

      My girl, on the other hand, is the queen of verbalization when it comes to arguing. I don't like to be on the wrong side of that one and we often have to walk away and count to ten. She needs to be careful because her words can be biting and cut right through you. We work on softening her approach quite often.

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  5. The Kid In The Front RowMarch 22, 2012 at 5:01 AM

    Despite how horrifying it can be, there are some great life lessons to learn from Boxing.

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    1. GinaMarch 22, 2012 at 10:03 AM

      I agree, as a long time boxing fan. My son wrestled through high school and he will say that a lot of lessons he learned about life were on the mat...how to properly defend oneself, using brain as well as brawn, pushing through fear, a solid work ethic, etc. It's helping him in college, right now, dealing with some erratic drunken guys.

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  6. SandraMarch 22, 2012 at 4:16 PM

    I think you just wrote about everything I try to impart onto my children. They are still young, and I encourage them to not even say words like "stupid," "hate," and "disgusting." Maybe when they're older and when those words are more in context. Right now, there's just no need. Thanks for coming by and commenting, Gina!

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    1. GinaMarch 22, 2012 at 6:13 PM

      I've spent 21 years doing it so I hope they've taken lots of it with them into their new adulthood. The most important thing, as well, is knowing I'm not perfect, I make lots of mistakes but I apologize very quickly and sincerely the minute I realize the error of my ways!

      For the longest time, they thought the "S" swear was "shut up" then they guessed "stupid"....very cute of them. Two words that I hate.

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  7. AnonymousMarch 22, 2012 at 7:23 PM

    I swear like a sailor. But I can count on one hand the number of such invectives that I've actually used or even thought about my husband. On two fingers actually. When language is used to demean, that's when it becomes offensive in my mind.

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    1. GinaMarch 22, 2012 at 8:13 PM

      Ya know....we just don't do it. We don't call each other names or swear at each other. We never discussed it; it was not a conscious decision. It just was.

      Have I thought someone in my family was an A-hole at times? Sure have! Then it immediately comes to mind that maybe I've been one too.

      I agree with you! My lesson was to respect other people even when you don't agree or even like them.

      I've got that sailor thing's number, too.

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  8. TrifectaMarch 23, 2012 at 2:58 AM

    Thanks for linking up to Trifecta this week. I love the advice your piece gives us. It's very similar to how we raise our kids. I swoon when I hear my kids talking out their problems respectfully. I think profanity is fantastic, but not when it's aimed at a person.

    Hope to see you back again soon.

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    1. GinaMarch 23, 2012 at 9:59 AM

      Thanks! As Jester Queen noted, it's very demeaning when its pointed directly at someone. Rumor has it, my kids get along better at school than at home so that's a good thing.

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  9. Ed PilollaMarch 24, 2012 at 1:12 PM

    i am learning this lesson as well becuz i too have a temper. if i can restrain my anger in the moment, i can usually say what i want to say without being mean, and that's the most effective way to handle things. but it's a challenge not to lose it:) a good starting point may be no swear words, for starters:)

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    1. GinaMarch 24, 2012 at 1:25 PM

      Ya know, swearing just brings it down. I swear frequently but NEVER at someone. Counting to ten right away, a long with a deep breath or two, usually puts me in a better place. If I get mad, takes a while, it's a typhoon that blast through and over before you know it. I can't imagine someone who writes so beautifully could ever say mean things ;-). Count.

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  10. andieMarch 25, 2012 at 4:05 PM

    Depends on the day. Today was a somewhat crappy day. So I just had to let someone have it. But deservedly so.

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    1. GinaMarch 26, 2012 at 9:14 AM

      Oh, Andie. I can really let it loose too and do! They might even get a good verbal whoopin' if they really deserved it. I was speaking to swearing and taking the low road in an argument. It makes me feel awful if I creep down there even if just a bit. Thanks for visiting.

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