May Heaven Be.......

A Never-ending Float Boat Ride at the Lake…Your Favorite Place Here on Earth.

I’ve only done one thing harder in my life. It was a goodbye, of course, while holding the hand of my Mother-in-law in her final moment. This girl, who we call the “Big Brown Nurse”, was at Hospice, too, licking that same hand.

Today was the second such painful goodbye. I can hardly think of her, let alone speak her name but I can still smell her on my hands from the last time I stroked her soft ears and held her in the last moments. Looking down, I can see a streak of slobber on the thigh of my jeans and brown hair completely covering my white tee shirt. I don’t want to wash my hands or my clothes then Eleanor (“Ellie”) will really be gone for good.

Her last boat ride.

A few years ago on “her” boat.

 Oh My Goodness, the kids are young (13 & 16 maybe)

 Ellie thinking "When's she going back?"

 Snuggle Time on a Winter Lake Weekend!

 The one who doesn't know a minute without her.

 This morning during her last “good” moment.

She was pretty “hot” back in the day.

Birdie, her best friend who was waiting at the gate for her today.

There won't be a day that goes by where we won't remember you...the sweetest dog that ever lived. We know you are resting in peace, finally!

A Hung Jury

It needs to be unanimous and it’s not.

So I’m off to do ropes and stairs in search of clarity, wisdom and understanding. But first I need to download a song.

I heard it yesterday blaring from my daughter’s bathroom as she was swaying to the music and fixing her long hair. (She asked me if she should wear it straight or curly with the dress she carefully chose for a party. The very minute I said straight it was trumped by a text from “the boyfriend” who loves it curled. Things change.)

I paused by her door, as she worked, and just listened. I listened intently to the words the minute I understood their meaning.

I’m not a country fan (at all) but I am forced to listen when she’s home. Okay, I’ll admit it grows on you if you let it and there’s no way to help but hear it through the walls. So just now, onto my iPod it went.


I have this feeling it's going to be a ice cream for lunch kind of day.

********************************************

Front Porch Looking In 

by Lonestar
(An excerpt)

The only ground I ever owned was sticking to my shoes

Now I look at my front porch and this panoramic view

I can sit and watch the fields fill up

With rays of glowing sun

Or watch the moon lay on the fences

Like that's where it was hung

My blessings are in front of me

It's not about the land

I'll never beat the view

From my front porch looking in

I see what beautiful is about

When I'm looking in

Not when I'm looking out
******************************************

We have a big front porch where we spend a lot of time. The couches go out in April and remain until November. There's a swing on either end. 

It’s a peaceful place where we talk, read, relax and observe as the world passes by our view. We sip coffee, wine, and Arnold Palmers. Friends stop by for a chat if they're walking by and see us.

It's also a place where we've had great and difficult heart-to-hearts with each other...every combination of the four of us and all together. This weekend, the four of us (plus Ellie and Addy) spent hours there in the gorgeous weather...

Discussing, pondering, listing, 

laughing, crying,

reasoning, arguing, deciding.

Dear Ann Landers: About Showing Up

This morning, I was looking for an Ann Landers article from years ago that I sent to a friend. I don’t have any idea why I wanted to find it. Crazy how thinks pop into your brain. Into my brain?

I wrote it out for her by hand and kept the newsprint for myself. Not known for my stellar organizational skills, I’m not surprised I can’t find it in the place that would make the most sense.

The subject matter was relationships. It was about “showing up”.

~Be present, Be reliable, Be there. Just show up. ~

Does anyone remember this one?

I’m home a lot lately. I have to be. I have to “show up.” And it’s okay.

Damn! I wish I could find it because I’d love to have it here so I can read it often. So I’m googling the hell out of this machine and searching. I will find it.

In the meantime, I found a few quotes of Ann’s that I always liked/loved. I used to read her column daily. I even wrote to her once about a relationship/family issue. Never got a response and, therefore, it was never printed. I still read even though I was disappointed.

“Many people think that holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. But there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go - and then to do it.”

“If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough.”

“Keep in mind that the true measure of an individual is how he treats a person who can do him absolutely no good.”

“Make somebody happy today, and mind your own business”

LOVE THIS

“Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.”

“Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them.”

“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.

“At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” So what about the couples where neither wants to go home until the fun stops…that’s our problem!

“Inside every seventy-year-old is a thirty-five-year-old asking, 'What happened?”

Gorgeous day.

Ellie and I are going to go sit on the porch together. 

You know, maybe it was Dear Abby.

The Very Best Way To Spend A Morning

A sweet friend recently asked me what my three most prized (tangible/material) possessions were. We were stumped, both not really into that kind of stuff. At the time, I answered photos and my grandmother’s wedding ring. I couldn’t come up with the last but TODAY I remembered exactly what that third one would be…

My road bike! Riding it makes me smile and happy and feeling free!

I probably say this way too often. There are few things in my life that I love more than spending time with my close friends. I’m lucky and I know it. So when Cathy called this morning and said, “Come ride with me. It’s the perfect morning.” I simply answered, “Pick me up.”

Cathy and I have been dying to get on our bikes and really ride…actually since we put them up in our respective garage attics last November. And today proved to be all anyone could ask for in an ideal morning. It was truly gorgeous and I couldn’t have imagined a better way to spend it…with her and on my bike.

Also, I’ll never hesitate to do anything that gives Cathy some peace and enjoyment (A Post About Hope).

Throwing our bikes on her rack, we drove to the I & M Canal (the old shipping and barge route) just 15 minutes away to do the 24.6 mile loop. Living in the suburbs of Chicago, it’s pretty challenging to find streets less traveled (scary for fear of vehicular/bike collisions).

There’s only one place better to bike in the Chicagoland area and that’s the lakefront.

What’s great about the bike trail here is that it’s meant for this purpose…strictly biking. You get serious racers, people looking to get in a good workout yet be able to converse, as well as leisurely afternoon pedalers. We all coexist in the most harmonious way. You just have to remember to say “On your left” loudly AND unclip when you stop!

It was beautiful and quiet. We probably saw only 10 people in close to 25 miles.

Did you know when butterflies hit you in the face as you're going 18 mph it actually hurts?

This awesome morning transported both of us to another place. Of course, my troubles don’t hold a candle to hers. 

For me, I enjoyed two hours away from my increasingly sad way of life. I’m entirely consumed with getting Eleanor to her favorite place in the world, the lake, so she can just "be" for as long as she has left to do so.

Soon, old gal! Soon!

Sometimes, escaping reality in a simple way, if only for moments, makes all the difference in your day. 

Have You Ever Seen The Rain

By Creedence Clearwater Revival

Someone told me long ago

There's a calm before the storm

I know it's been comin’ for some time

When it's over so they say

It'll rain a sunny day

I know shining down like water

I want to know

Have you ever seen the rain

I want to know

Have you ever seen the rain

Comin’ down on a sunny day