I Really Don't Know Clouds, At All.

Sara Bareilles sang the most amazing cover of one of my all-time favorite songs. She sang it patiently and slowly.

First here’s Joni, where I first fell in love with it:

Here is Sara’s version  from last night. Listen if you dare. I cried. 

Rows and flows of angel hair

and ice cream castles in the air

and feather canyons everywhere,

I've looked at cloud that way

but now they only block the sun, 

they rain and snow on everyone

so many things I would have done

but clouds got in my way.

I've looked at clouds from both sides now,

from up and down, and still somehow

it's cloud illusions I recall,

I really don't know clouds at all.

Moons and junes and ferris wheels, 

the dizzy dancing way you feel

as every fairy tale comes real

I've looked at love that way

but now it's just another show,

you leave 'em laughing when you go

and if you care, don't let them know,

don't give yourself away.

I've looked at love from both sides now,

from give and take, and still somehow

it's love's illusions I recall,

I really don't know love at all.

Tears and fears and feeling proud

to say "I love you" right out loud,

dreams and schemes and circus crowds,

I've looked at life that way.

But now old friends are acting strange,

they shake their heads, they say I've changed.

Well, something's lost but something's gained

in living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now,

from win and lose, and still somehow

it's life's illusions I recall,

I really don't know life at all.

A Programming Break Stream of Consciousness

It’s been an exceedingly long time since I have had a weekend evening to myself. Tonight’s the night.

I just paused the last episode of “This is Us”, which I missed due to underwater vacationing, (Do you watch it, too? I cry absolutely every episode thinking, “These people really love each other.”), so I could yell this from the mountaintop.

“I HAVE THE WHOLE FREAKING EVENING TO MYSELF!!!”

[When you are an empty-nester, you have precious little time away from your spouse, and particularly on the weekend. It’s all good and fine. I miss him when he’s gone. But occasionally, just sometimes, you need a reprieve from the Love Train, control of the remote, and a break from male-oriented or compromised entertainment choices. ] 

Here’s what I intend to do:

1. Push “Play” to restart “This is Us”. I am about halfway through.
2. Pour a glass of wine.
3. Watch the first two episodes of “Girls”. It’s the final season!
4. Order a sausage and onion topped with lightly dressed arugula pizza.
5. Pour another glass of wine.
6. Eat half a pizza.
7. Watch the first two episodes of “Big Little Lies”. Is it good? I am intrigued by the cast and it is one Liane Moriarty book I have not read.
8. Walk the dog.
9. Bedtime routine.
10. Snuggle up in bed with Lincoln in the Bardo by George Saunders. I am meeting him next Thursday and I really want to have it finished by then.
11. Lights out. Should be after midnight by then.

Yes, I understand this all sounds like a snoozefest. I am boring. At least some of the time. Did you not know this?

Have a wonderful Friday night however you are spending it!!!

Valentine's Day Stream of Consciousness and the Disasters of Doing Laundry

Some holidays, Hallmark or otherwise, have a unique vibe year after year. 

Take Valentine’s Day. 

Some years I remember longing, passion, young love. Others have been laden with tantrums as school-aged children threw fits over classroom card options at the drug store. And candy.

Some were wine soaked and dripping chocolate fondue. Others were met with exhausted bodies, minds and spirits longing, this time, for bed. Just bed. No monkey business.

Most have been smooth, easy, not terribly spicy, exciting or dramatic. Peaceful and calm. And monkey stuff.

**************************

I didn’t have to be to the aquarium until 8:00 a.m. today, so I planned to sleep an extra hour after staying up late last night because I could!

In my life, best made plans are usually meant with some type of resistance. And this Valentine’s Day morning was no exception because I was woken before 6:00 a.m. by what I thought sounded like a siren. In actuality, it was my better half vacuuming in the kitchen with my, in very close proximity, bedroom door wide open. 

Ummmm. That’s not very considerate, is it? Especially on the big V-Day. Or any other day!

I stumbled into the room all blurry-eyed, grumpy and What-the-Heck! 

He was vacuuming out the inside of the washer. Huh?

Okay, really, WHAT-THE-HECK! NOW?!?!?

He didn’t have his usual, chipper, happy face on.

I guess somehow there was a hardback book washed along with (his) clothes. 

I can confess to loading the washer with my his dirty clothes last night, but I did not actually start it. Don’t you think we share equal responsibility for the mess?

And a mess it was.

A 300 page hardcover book virtually disintegrates when it’s washed. Go figure. Its bits and pieces get into each and every crack and crevasse of both the washer and the dryer. Because, of course, you switch that shit over after the wash cycle even when you find a book in it? I guess you do...

Obviously, I didn’t put the book in there on purpose. For shame! But I was responsible and any amount of turning things around was not going to work.  My fault.

So the morning of this special day, at least here, did not start all light, love, and happiness. It’s still early though and I did get a smooch before he walked out the door. He gets over things extremely fast, and there's only one way to go and that's up!

Now I just need to tell him I ruined one of his favorite shirts. Maybe I'll wait until tomorrow. Maybe it will just disappear into thin air.

It's Monday, February 13th! What Are You Reading? Quick, Quick!!!

Hosted by The Book Date.

I say “Quick, Quick” because I would rather tell you about my experience in a Mayan sweat lodge while it is fresh in my memory. Though first I need to write it down.

What have I recently finished since we last discussed?

Nothing. I was on vacation, but not on the type of vacation that made reading easily prioritized. Actually, most days/nights, I did not have the mental or physical capacity for it.

What am I currently reading?

The same stuff as last time though I am a bit further along.

About halfway through and it continues to engage. It is funny, too. I now know what "The Nix" is! Love when the meaning of a title is illuminated. I also love the cover art on this one, too. It makes perfect sense for the story. This book is really good and I fully understand the "buzz" surrounding it though I wish I had more time to devote to it right now.

I am a Mary Oliver fan through and through. I just love her. This collection returns to what I think Oliver writes about best, her observations of nature and her surroundings.

Thirst is exactly what my desiccated lips and mind need right this very minute. I have taken to reading each poem once internally then out loud for the second time just to see if the experience is different. Feels different. It does and I will continue on this way. Will be finished today, sadly.

Almost finished and almost wish I was not listening to this. It is a bit confusing as there are so many names that sound similar, and the timing goes forward and back. Maybe it’s me. Still, it is compelling and sad and heartbreaking. Why are we so cruel to one another?

What will I read next?

Of COURSE! I have pre-ordered my copy for his event on March 2nd, and it is available for pickup TOMORROW!!! WOO HOO! Can’t wait. I am sure I will finish it before I come back for “It’s Monday, What Are You Reading?” next time. Wait. I’ll be out of town. Trust me, it will be finished!

Okay, how about you? Any recommendations or books you think I should read?

Tell Me How to Feel and I Will: 100 Word Challenge

I’m lost, biding

the switch flip telling 

me to feel

Recognizable like my 

lips brushing yours 

breathing down my

neck hair raising, like 

salty rivulets as

your sweat dripping

between my breast

Or tempered glass 

withholding desiring

peering

to see more

clearly more you more

everything

un-everything

Pulled hair

bitten lips filthy

dirt under our nails

And secrets buried

deep dark eyes

for whose or

those who were keen

or know

Shhhhhhhh

They're 

tricks or truths

map me

a forest for my

teeth to chew

them

echoing rushes, you

feel my pulse.

What are the contents 

of another’s words?

********************************

In cleaning out the content's of my phone's notepad, I found a few poems I wrote many moons ago. This one seemed an all right fit, despite the need to edit out fifty words, for Thin Spiral Notebook's 100-word prompt. The word is "telling" to be used or implied.

Give it a whirl. It is a blast!